The spiraling shape will make you go insane, but everyone wants to eat that crazy thing. Today Pizza Hut launches their brave new menu, packed with new ingredients, strange crust variants and maddening spirals of special sauce. I don't even know where to start.

Pizza Hut is normally one of the last delivery joints on my list, largely due to my wife having spent five years as a Pizza Hut manager. Today her horror stories are washed away in a wave of new flavors that weren't around for her to make me queasy over.

The main ingredient in this parade of pizza strangeness is the new drizzles, additional blast of flavor spiraling out from the center of the pie. Excuse me while I steal Sploid's image.

That's the Garden Party, described as "premium crushed tomato sauce topped with fresh green bell peppers, fresh red onions, fresh mushrooms, diced Roma tomatoes and fresh spinachā€”flavored up with our Hut Favorite on the crust edge and a balsamic sauce drizzle."

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"Balsamic sauce drizzle" is not a phrase I ever thought I'd see associated with Pizza Hut. "Swimming in oil" yes, "balsamic sauce drizzle" no.

Here's a rundown of the new stuff you'll find at Pizza Hut today.

Ingredients:

  • Sliced Banana Peppers
  • Peruvian Cherry Peppers
  • Fresh Spinach
  • Premium Salami
  • Classic Meatball

Crust Flavors:

  • Hut Favorite
  • Toasted Asiago
  • Honey Sriracha
  • Salted Pretzel
  • Toasted Parmesan
  • Fiery Red Pepper
  • Toasted Cheddar
  • Garlic Buttery Blend
  • Ginger Boom Boom
  • Get Curried Away

Sauces:

  • Classic Marinara
  • Premium Crushed Tomato
  • Garlic Parmesan
  • Buffalo
  • Barbeque
  • Honey Sriracha

Drizzles:

  • Balsamic
  • Honey Sriracha
  • Barbeque
  • Buffalo

They've also launched a line of Skinny Slice pizzas, with each portion under 250 calories. If those turn out tasty I could see ordering them often. Probably too often.

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The only problem with the new menu? I have absolutely no idea what the hell to order now. Too many choices. Any suggestions?