As if monsters and superheroes weren’t enough, General Mills is now recruiting members of America’s finest cookie-selling force into his nigh-unstoppable breakfast army. The Girl Scouts have landed in our cereal bowls, and Snacktaku responds in the only way we know how.
First published 2/09/2016—Repubbed just in time for breakfast.
Here at Snacktaku, we’ve long kicked around the idea of doing a review of the Girl Scouts’ baked offerings, but the idea of sampling each flavor in a single video proved too daunting. Plus we kept eating them before setting up the camera.
Along comes General Mills, commander of all things oat, corn, wheat and milk-soaked, with a much more manageable pair of edible Girl Scout products.
Leveraging two of the most popular Girl Scout cookie flavors, General Mills brings the taste of waiting for several weeks for your co-worker’s daughter to get her shit together to our breakfast tables. We’ve got Thin Mints, based on the chocolate mint cookie of the same name, and Caramel Crunch, because eating a heaping bowl of Samoas is offensive to Samoans, especially in our post-Moana world.
Before diving in, Snacktaku predicted that Thin Mints cereal would be horrible and wrong, while Caramel Crunch would share a flavor profile with the Caramel Popcorn variety of Cap’n Crunch, from rival breakfast army Quaker Oats.
Wrong on both counts, Snacktaku.
Chocolate mint did not sound like a delicious breakfast combination, but we underestimated the effect of cold milk on Thin Mints cereal. Though individual pieces came on a bit strong and the mint scent was slightly overpowering, once awash in cold milk the flavors blend together to form a sort of mint chocolate chip ice cream jam. Snacktaku is a big fan of mint chocolate chip ice cream.
As for Samoa Cereal (it is, dammit!), the caramel popcorn flavor is there, but the pieces are also flecked with cocoa and instilled with a mild coconut flavor. It’s exactly like eating a bowl of tiny Samoa cookies, only without getting caramel and coconut stuck between your teeth.
Fine. You win this round, General Mills, but now that we’ve tasted greatness, we’re craving more. Bring on the Tagalong cereal. Our mouths are ready.
Snacktaku is Kotaku’s take on the wild and wonderful world of eating things, but not eating meals. Eating meals is for those with too much time on their hands.