Skyrim Mod Lets You Marry Creepy Wooden People

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I do not like the implications of Skyrim's craftable followers/NPCs mod. Not one bit. You can create life—give birth to fully formed adult wooden children—and then marry them if you so please. I can't believe I even need to say this, but don't marry your wooden children, people.

OK, aside from the unholy matrimony, this mod is actually pretty cool. Here's how it works:

"Craft wooden people, not summoned creatures but actual npcs you can buy from, sell to, have follow you, or even marry. When they die you can just make more. You can even play as one! All you need to start can be found in the cellar of Anise's Cabin south of Bleakfalls Barrow. The Crafted NPC's will appear under Scrolls in your invetory, and are used like a summoning spell."


But then it goes back into creepy territory. Different creepy territory:

"Have all the residents of your favorite town been killed by dragons, no problem, repopulate it with these wooden people!"

Yeah no, that wouldn't be THE MOST VAGUELY DISTURBING THING EVER at all. Mannequin monsters born of a terrifying Skyrim urban legend replacing all my happy, normal villagers? Sure, totally, sounds great.


And somehow it gets worrrrrrrrse:

"The playable race can have human eyes, it's creepy, but entirely up to you."

Why would you do that? Why? You have given me actual nightmare fuel, made out of wood. Nightmare kindling.


So, you know, weigh the pros and cons before downloading this one. Pro: if you need to offload some items, you can just whip up a wooden follower to lug them around or a wooden merchant to buy them. Con: the follower/merchant might sprout human eyes and then marry you. And so on and so forth. Check it out here.


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