Qwilfish Is A Fish That Sucks At Swimming

Illustration for article titled Qwilfish Is A Fish That Sucks At Swimming

Every Pokemon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokemon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokemon! It’s Qwilfish!

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Qwilfish Details

Type: Water/Poison

Average Height: 1' 08"

Average Weight: 8.6 lbs.

First Added In Generation II


Sometimes you see an animal and think “Why did nature and evolution team up to screw you over?” Qwilfish is that kind of creature. Based on its appearance and name you might think that this aquatic Pokemon would be a decent swimmer. But no, not at all. In fact, according to multiple Pokedex entries found on Bulbapedia, Qwilfish is not a great swimmer. Which seems like a bad thing for a fish that lives in the ocean.

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Qwilfish is a small Pokemon covered in small spikes and was introduced back in Gen II. It sort of looks like a pufferfish and that’s for good reason. Qwilfish, like a pufferfish, can enlarge and use its spikes as a weapon. But unlike a pufferfish, Qwilfish inhales 2.6 gallons of water and then uses the pressure in its body to shoot poisonous quills towards its target. These quills aren’t to be messed with and can actually cause creatures and potentially humans to faint. And if you happen to be in the water and faint, that’s a bad combo and might be the end of you.

Illustration for article titled Qwilfish Is A Fish That Sucks At Swimming

Nearly three gallons of water is quite a bit. I have a gallon of milk in my fridge and I can’t imagine this small fish drinking THREE of those quickly and then containing that much liquid inside its small body. However, sucking down that much water has its price. Remember how I mentioned Qwilfish is bad at swimming? Well, it becomes an even worse swimmer when it is filled with water.

According to Bulbapedia, Qwilfish doesn’t evolve into anything and I understand why. None of these creatures are living long enough in the wild to ever get a chance to evolve. The first time a predator chases a Qwilfish, there’s probably a 75% chance it ain’t escaping.

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Favorite Fan Art

Illustration for article titled Qwilfish Is A Fish That Sucks At Swimming
Illustration: ZeroChan923600 (DeviantArt)
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I love this art. It feels like it came out of a magazine ad for a Pokemon kart racer that we never got. Also, the person who created this pointed out something that I’m going to talk about more in the “random facts” section. It has no fins.

Random Facts

  • How does something like this even become a thing in the Pokemon universe? There are mentions of evolution in Pokemon, Qwilfish’s quills evolved from scales, according to Bulbapedia. So how does a sea fish evolve into a creature with no fins?
  • In all the Pokedex entries that mention Qwilfish’s water sucking ability, they all say the same amount of water: 2.6 gallons. But in its latest Pokedex entry, found in Sword, it says this instead: “...it swallows as much water as it can to match the opponent’s size.”
  • So like, how big can these things get? If it runs into a giant Onix or something can it just get bigger than the Onix? I have questions and maybe someone has answers.
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Best Comment From Last Week

3.) Where does the poop come out???

-InvadingDuck | Zachary D Long

Me thinking about where the poop comes out of...

Illustration for article titled Qwilfish Is A Fish That Sucks At Swimming

Kotaku Weekend Editor | Zack Zwiezen is a writer living in Kansas. He has written for GameCritics, USgamer, Kill Screen & Entertainment Fuse.

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DISCUSSION

firedragon400
MegaBlastoise

Oh, Qwilfish. You’re only notable for everybody forgetting you exist. At least Luvdisc used to be bait for Heart Scale farming and has a bunch of memes attached to it. Finneon at least evolves into something useful. Dunsparce has a weird design that garnered a fanbase. Qwilfish.... Qwilfish doesn’t even have any of that. It’s just... there. It doesn’t have a unique type combination, it doesn’t evolve, it has pitiful stats, it doesn’t have a unique Ability, and it doesn’t even have a signature attack it can call its own.

Even in its debut games it wasn’t even notable, since you could grab Poliwag or Wooper LOOOOONG before you run into any Qwilfish.

Hell, it doesn’t even have an anime spotlight episode! That’s right! It’s two biggest appearances were in Johto, where, in its debut, it was trounced by Misty’s Corsola, and then another trainer used one about 30 episodes later to defeat Misty’s Goldeen.

Though the Pokédex entries about it not being a good swimmer are funny since one of its possible Abilities is Swift Swim, which doubles the Pokémon’s Speed when it’s raining. Also, in the Pokémon Heroes movie (aka the one with Latios and Latias), the opening credit sequence has Ash, Misty, and a bunch of random no-name people race each other with Water-types pulling a single-person raft-thingy (as the setting of the film is based on Venice). One of the competitors uses a Qwilfish. We never see them anywhere near the lead.

But that’s enough about Qwilfish. More tangential trivia! While there never has been a Pokémon kart racer, there IS a Pokémon racing game! Pokémon Dash was released at or near the release of the original DS and is notable for two things (more than Qwilfish!): The first playable appearance of Munchlax and being one of the worst games in the entire franchise.

Ah, but that’s not all! Because Dash was NOT the first Pokémon racing game! That “honor” goes to a game that’s even WORSE than Pokémon Dash: The super-ultra-amazing Pokémon Team Turbo!

Yes, that is a real game. I actually owned it. Might still do.