My eyes! What is this monstrosity?! Fetch me wooden stakes, holy water, silver bullets, shotguns, anything! Or has the Pokémon Company (TPCi) hired David Cronenberg to design its latest batch of plushies?
This absolutely hideous sight is in fact a deeply unsettling view of a new form of Pokémon plush, a Changing Cave Dweller Evolution Plush, added to the online Pokémon Center stores today. And, despite the unending horror that’s now burned into the deepest parts of my soul, it’s actually rather clever.
This is a cuddly toy version of Geodude, Graveler and Golem, all at once, where you can transform it into any of its three evolutionary stages.
This isn’t the first time TPCi has created convertible cuddlies—I have a Ditto that can be turned inside out to reveal a Ditto disguised as Snorlax. But it’s the first time the company has had the reality-bending idea of somehow creating a three-way conversion. I’m not sure science can truly support this thing’s existence. I’m not entirely sure this plush isn’t mentioned in the Book of Revelation.
I initially figured the first two stages were hidden inside the third, which would introduce its own entirely new set of concerns. But no, this is something else, something that, even looking at the images, I don’t quite understand. I’m pretty sure it involves folding space-time, which does come with some inherent risks.
Plushies with a zipper are never the best for fulsome cuddling, but then this also makes an odd choice as a display item, given you’d only ever be looking at it in one form. All of which makes the $90 price for an 8" by 15" toy a little difficult to justify. Unless, of course, you chose to display it in its triforce form, perhaps to scare away neighborhood children or persistent poltergeists.
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