I know you've been worried. You've been keeping your phone in that heavily-padded case in a locked lead box under your bed. Your iPad is in a safe, and not for its own protection. You've got handcuffs for your Nexus 7, and not the kinky kind. Well do not worry, my friends. None of this week's gaming apps will kill you.
That's not to say they don't want to kill you. It's not even really a want, more of a compulsion. Kind of like — what's that movie where the kids cheat death and he kills them off one-by-one? Oh yeah, it's like Footloose. Last week you were supposed to die, but I warned you, and now 80s Kevin Bacon is angry, and he's got death on speed dial.
Look, I don't know what you did to piss off Kevin Bacon from several decades in the past, but I am pretty sure it had nothing to do with playing Gravity Guy 2, Grumpy Bears, This is Not a Ball Game or Calixa: The Code Breaker.
So just relax. Leave your devices on your bedside table, unprotected. Turn on an episode of The Following, which is safe because it stars modern haggard Kevin Bacon. Leave the kitchen knives out. I am sure everything is going to be just fine.
Maybe wear a kevlar tie.
What We Played This Week
I Am MT - iOS - Free
A ridiculously popular card game all over the world North America is working to fix that. It's a card collector, but it's got a very distinctive faux-action style that keeps me tapping.
ERA HD Deluxe - iOS - Free
A rather pretty little defense-type game with unique units, a large variety of enemies, an endless mode, hero abilities — there's a lot here for free.
Gravity Guy 2 - iOS - $.99
An endless runner with a platforming twist, sequel to a game called Gravity Guy! The character runs across a series of platforms the player can raise to fling him through the air. Takes a little getting used to. So exciting my volume control is in the screenshot.
Tomb Breaker - iOS - Free
A fun, free match game where you aren't limited to the gems next to each other. As long as you can trace a straight line from one of the same color to another, it's on. Wonderful bathroom game.
This is Not a Ball Game - iOS - Free
An achingly gorgeous psychics game with a wonderful French circus style. It would be perfect, if not for the timers and ball purchases and restrictions and replaying cinematics — it's at least worth looking at.
Chuck the Muck - iOS, Android - Free
A charming, friend-friendly puzzler involving goo and the uses of goo. The iOS version's had some missing file errors, but otherwise it's groovy, in a goopy sort of way.
Calixa: Code Breaker - Android - Free
It's safe-cracking in the form of math logic puzzles, and damn if I don't love math logic puzzles. This one's staying on my phone forever.
Grumpy Bears - Android, iOS - Free
Bears are coming after you with heavy military ordinance, and you're in the back of a pickup truck armed with dynamite, hammers, and a wide variety of hurty, pokey things. They want your honey. You want their skulls. a hell of a good time.
App Reviews for the Week of May 13-17
If You're Into Endless Running, Might As Well Be Running With Friends
With its growing focus on mobile gaming and its penchant for trying to out-popular already popular games, Zynga was going to get around to stepping on Temple Run's toes eventually, and what better way than to combine the joy of endless running with the trusted ...With Friends brand? The result is a combination I'm…Read…
Screw It, I Can't Wait To Tell You How Good Bombcats Is
Luke Schneider of Radiangames has created some of the coolest bite-sized shooters I've played, starting with Xbox Live Indies and then graduating to mobile platforms. Just check out theRadiangames tag here at Kotaku and see how much well-deserved love we've given him. Radiangames latest doesn't hit iOS until…Read…
Space... The Final Fantasy Card Game... This Is Star Trek Rivals.
If you loved Triple Triad and Tetra Master, the collectible card games included in Final Fantasy VIII and IX respectively, then you'll probably be quite annoyed by the format being utilized in this cash-hungry free-to-play movie tie-in. Read…
Snails Smoke Fast And Furious In The Battle Of The Mobile Movie Racers
This movie season sees not one but two different racing films hitting theaters — one aimed at a younger, less-mature audience, and the other an animated snail movie from the folks at DreamWorks Animation. One of the two scored a rather entertaining little mobile game tie-in this week. The other just adds drifting to Read…