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No Cat Is Complete Without A Set Of Leather Battle Armor

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Of course your cat just lays about the house sleeping, eating and pooping all day — it doesn't have proper protection. Unlock your cat's full potential with a suit of hand-crafted leather body armor.

Dogs are the fearless warriors of the pet scene, charging into battle, heedless of danger. Cats are rogues, slinking silently through the shadows, stepping into the light only long enough to strike a fatal blow to any home intruders foolish enough to enter their domain. Or they would be, if you'd outfit them properly.

Etsy shop Schnabuble, maker of many fine human costume pieces, decided our feline friends had gone unarmored long enough. This is their answer to that problem, modeled by the lovely Selani.


Completely hand-made from durable veg-tan leather, this is no mere costume piece. Your cat will become an unstoppable force for slaughter in this fully articulated suit, shielding him/her from foes while allowing unimpeded movement across the battlefield or living room floor. The imposing torso section features several riveted, articulated plates and a terrifying rack of dorsal spines. Your cat's hindquarters are sheathed beneath exquisitely arrayed overlapping scales stitched to a soft leather backing, adorned with nickel silver dome rivets. Midnight black scales and plates are finished with a glossy protective coat and seamlessly join together like the petals of a deadly flower. Adjustable at the collar with elastic and two nickel silver buckles, and at the belly with grommeted corset-style lacing for a secure, comfortable fit.


The armor covers all the bases. It's black, so it helps even the brightest of cats meld with the shadows. It's durable, without being cruel. And, most importantly, it does not cover your cat's anus, which they have to show to you at least five or six times a day, lest they lose their magic powers.


Sadly, only one magnificent suit of Cat Battle Armor is available, and it costs $500 — more than your cat is worth. Expensive, but no price is too high when it comes to making your cat look as lost and confused as this one.

Cat Battle Armor [Etsy]