I wound up with Yoshi. Boy, it sure is depressing.
The funny-makers at Dorkly have built a quiz to help readers figure out what Nintendo characters they are. Like a lot of internet question queues, you click on a bunch of answers and some algorithm spits out an answer at you. But, unlike the answers you'll see on a sister-in-law's Facebook page, these responses might make you curl up in a fetal position and cry. Here's the description that you get if the quiz decides you're most like Pikachu:
You are a slave to others - bosses, significant others, friends, relatives, and obligations. You have never been your own person, and you will never be. The best you can hope for is the brief pleasure of sleep, when nothing is asked of you, until that inevitable moment when you're awakened - and the real nightmare begins.
Poor little electric pocket monster… Take the quiz at Dorkly as many times as you'd like. Just make sure to have your therapist on stand by.