Nerds Get Slaughtered In 'LAN Party Massacre'

Illustration for article titled Nerds Get Slaughtered In LAN Party Massacre

As a fan of the massacre film genre — I was raised on mass unsuspecting teen killing flicks like Chopping Mall, Happy Birthday To Me and Slumber Party Massacre — I may just have a soft spot for the schtick of seeing a dozen kids die in increasingly brutal yet comedic ways. That's why I'm not giving up on LAN Party Massacre, due to be released in 2009, self-described as a "comedy/horror slash film" that's a "direct parody of video game culture, but a classic slasher film at heart." It might be the little touches, like the F5 Energy Drink that sponsors the doomed titular LAN party or the film's featured pro gamer "Mort@lity," or maybe I'm just watching the teaser trailer with blood tinted glasses. LAN Party Massacre is obviously gory, so if you start to feel queasy when prosthetic throats are ripped out of spokesmodels, you may want to pass on the trailer at the official site. LAN Party Massacre Official Site [thanks, Ryan!]

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DISCUSSION

Uh, yeah. I don't have high hopes for, but I can wish that the dialogue turns out at all like I imagine it will:

"There are certain rules that one must follow in order to survive a LAN party. Number one: You can never share routers. Low bandwidth equals death."

"Isn't this LAN though? That shouldn't be a problem."

"Number two: You can never have energy drinks or eat snacks. The weight factor! You're fat and it's an extension on number one, you can't reach behind your setup. Number three: Never, ever under any circumstances say "snack run," because you'll take forever."

"I'm goin' to the corner, anyone else want to go?"

"Snack run!"