Metal Gear, Phantom Pain & Fish S**t

Illustration for article titled emMetal Gear/em, emPhantom Pain/em  Fish S**t

I'm not exactly the world's biggest Metal Gear fan, so for me, the most enjoyable thing about the reveal of The Phantom Pain (which might or might not be Metal Gear Solid 5) wasn't the game itself, but the emergence of its "CEO", Joakim Mogren. And an accompanying Twitter account.

While it's a fake/joke account, Joakim's (an anagram of "Kojima", Metal Gear's creator) tweets are doing a great job of capitalising on the hysteria and confusion surrounding Konami's bizarre VGA announcements. Why? Because if anyone is up for conspiracy theories and elaborate marketing, it's Metal Gear fans, many of whom are being delightfully trolled thinking they're going to get actual answers on the game by contacting him.


Since "Joakim" has taken to Twitter like a fiend since the project's reveal last week, I figured I'd have a little chat with the guy/team/whoever is behind the account. Mostly to find out how he keeps that wonderful blonde main (pictured above) looking so voluminous.

Luke Plunkett: How much does it cost, on average, every time you go to the hairdresser? That hair + moustache combo look luxuriously expensive.

Joakim Mogren: It is actually very interesting that you ask that. I do not go to a hairdresser, actually. I do it all myself. It is a daunting task, however. I probably take about 1.5 American hours just fixing my hair. The moustache is another story. I'd say that takes two hours on average.

LP: What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?

JM: I use a custom shampoo known as "Avföring Från Fisk" [LP's note: translation = fish shit]. The shampoo leaves my hair very voluminous and skön.

LP: I have to ask, what's the deal with this account? Is it more marketing, a joke account, a hoax? The world needs to know.

JM: This account is very real, and my personal Twitter. I am not a person that you would say has a sense of humor. Ask my former employee Sven. He wrote on our official site that all Twitter accounts aren't associated, as a joke. He is now homeless. I do not take jokes lightly.

I still need to remove that off the site, however.

LP: What is Phantom Pain, exactly?

JM: I hope it will b e a new gaming experience. Think a combination of Half Life, Borderlands 2, Angry Birds, and Faerie Solitaire. I expect it will be the bestselling game of 2013.

Thanks you much for your questions Luke. I very much enjoyed your article about me, though the comment about the photo of me was somewhat offensive. Have a good night, or day as it is in America.

Australia, actually, but I get that a lot.

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Phantom Pain is 100% MGS related. How can anyone doubt it at this point?