Let's Compare Resident Evil Village's Lady Dimitrescu To Other Tall Video Game Characters

Illustration for article titled Let's Compare Resident Evil Village's Lady Dimitrescu To Other Tall Video Game Characters
Image: Capcom, Microsoft

Lady Dimitrescu, otherwise known as Resident Evil Village’s Tall Vampire Lady, is very tall. Capcom confirmed yesterday that she stands at nine feet, six inches tall. That got me thinking: How does she compare to other video game characters?

Sorry, boys, you got your work cut out for you.
Sorry, boys, you got your work cut out for you.
Image: Capcom

First off, let’s take a look at the dudes she’ll probably be fighting in Resident Evil Village, Ethan Winters and Chris Redfield. According to the official guides for their respective debuts, both men are a little under six feet. Lady Dimitrescu should have no problem picking them up and throwing them around.

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I wouldn’t count on winning a tennis match against Lady Dimitrescu, Bowser buddy.
I wouldn’t count on winning a tennis match against Lady Dimitrescu, Bowser buddy.
Image: Nintendo

We have a pretty good idea of how tall Mario characters are thanks to a system I like to call the Luigi Penis Scale, or LPS for short. Bowser, one of the biggest characters in the Mushroom Kingdom, is just three feet, 11 inches. King Koopa himself would barely reach Lady Dimitrescu’s knees. Oh, and in case you were wondering, Tall Vampire Lady is about 30.8 Luigi dicks tall. Science!

Master Chief’s gonna need a bigger gun than that.
Master Chief’s gonna need a bigger gun than that.
Image: 343 Industries / Microsoft

Halo protagonist Master Chief is a big guy, right? Well, even in his armor, the Spartan super soldier is just seven foot two. That said, the Spartan armor does add about 700 pounds of protection, so Lady Dimitrescu might have to crack that bad boy open like an egg to get at John-117's slightly smaller frame.

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Some sports games are better than others...
Some sports games are better than others...
Image: Delphine Software International / Electronic Arts / MobyGames

Sports games have turned some of the tallest athletes of all time into video game characters, but none of them come close to Lady Dimitrescu. Shaquille O’Neal? Seven foot one. Yao Ming? Seven foot six. Even the tallest NBA player of all time, Gheorghe Mureșan, was only a comparatively miniscule seven foot seven. Get the Tall Vampire Lady a jersey!

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You might be used to bullying other Street Fighter opponents, Abigail, but you’ve met your match in Lady Dimitrescu.
You might be used to bullying other Street Fighter opponents, Abigail, but you’ve met your match in Lady Dimitrescu.
Screenshot: Capcom

When brainstorming tall video game characters, one guy came to mind almost immediately: Street Fighter’s Abigail. The reformed Mad Gear gangster towers over everyone in both Final Fight and Street Fighter V, but it turns out he’s only about eight feet tall. That puts Abigail well above Chris, Shaq, and even Master Chief, but Lady Dimitrescu still has a foot and a half advantage on him.

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Sure, Lady Dimitrescu might not be the tallest video game character of all time, not when games like Monster Hunter and Final Fantasy continue to introduce massive creatures for players to battle. But is she the sexiest? That, my friends, is all a matter of opinion, one I’ll let you argue about in the comments while I enjoy the rest of my evening.

Staff Writer, Kotaku

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DISCUSSION

coasterspaul
CoastersPaul

I think it’s fairly easy to believe BotW’s Gerudo could approach Tall Lady’s height, particularly if you don’t count the hat and heels. Not... as big in a couple of other ways, but anyway those guys are wrong and those hips (and abs!!!) don’t lie.

Really, Nintendo’s been way ahead of the curve, putting out taller ladies [yes, as a result of smaller guys, but I still don’t really buy the LPS] since Donkey Kong (1981), and I think it’s time they get proper recognition.

Also Metroid Prime 4 better bring back 6'3" Samus. Screw whatever’s become canon since, give her at least that fraction of an inch on me.