It’s really great that we’ve all been on this journey together, and honestly, I’m so happy for Luigi that he has a dick. But we’re also presented with a wonderful opportunity here: we can use this math to measure everything else in Mario Tennis Aces. Have you ever wondered how tall Peach is? She’s 3 feet, 3 inches.

Image for article titled Bowser Is Only Four Feet Tall, Judging By Luigi’s Penis
Image: Nintendo/Kotaku

How about Toad? He’s tiny! He’s 29.2 inches tall, only slightly longer than his tennis racket.

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Image for article titled Bowser Is Only Four Feet Tall, Judging By Luigi’s Penis
Image: Nintendo/Kotaku

How long is Mario’s moustache, you ask? About a foot and a half long.

Image for article titled Bowser Is Only Four Feet Tall, Judging By Luigi’s Penis
Image: Nintendo/Kotaku
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How big is Bowser? This one is a little trickier. In the promotional image they use, half his racket is obscured by his hand, and he’s also hunched over. I made my best estimate on the length of the racket, and measured his body in two sections. Bowser is around 3 feet, 11 inches. He’s the size of a large child. You could definitely take Bowser in a fight.

Image for article titled Bowser Is Only Four Feet Tall, Judging By Luigi’s Penis
Image: Nintendo/Kotaku
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I honestly had no idea that the citizens of the Mushroom Kingdom were all so tiny! This knowledge truly enriches my life. And to think, it’s all because of Luigi’s penis.