It's that time of year again, when the specialty shops are packed with "sexy" Halloween costumes aimed at titillating the gaming set. There's sexy plumbers, sexy elves and sexy assassins all over the place, but they're generally crap. Let's show them how it's done.
Yes, we're revisiting a theme created by my esteemed predecessor. Two years have passed since we last tread these grounds, and while I cannot imagine anything ever topping Frank West's Companion Cube costume from 2012, I am open to being surprised.
First up, here is an example of some horrible "sexy" costumes, courtesy of Yandy.com, home of such things.
See any room for improvement? Of course you do. It's pretty much all room for improvement. What I want to see here are characters and costumes that the mainstream costume carrier wouldn't know what to do with. Sexy cardboard box has been taken, but I'm sure there are more out there.
Note that there are rules to be followed here. First, keep it clean. Second, "sexy" in the context of horrible Halloween costumes is a relative term, and a term that applies to both male and female costumes. Feel free to reverse the rampant female to male costume gender swapping — there is no reason we can't have a sexy male Zelda costume. I'm not saying I own one, but it is a thing that could happen. Above all, don't make me regret doing this any more than I already do. Good luck!
How To Upload Images — Instructions
1. Create your 'Shop and save it to your desktop. Images must be at least 636 pixels wide. If they aren't, you will be shot.
2. Go to the bottom of this post
3. This brings up a comment window. Click
4. This brings up Click "Choose file" if you're uploading your 'shop from your desktop
5. Alternatively, you can upload the 'Shop to a free image hosting service. I suggest imgur. Then paste the image's URL into the field that says "Image URL." Note: this must be the URL of the image itself, not the page where it is displayed. That means the URL ends in .jpg, .gif, .png, whatever.
6. Add editorial commentary and hit submit and your image will load. If it doesn't, upload the image to imgur and paste the image URL as a comment. I promise I will look at it.
7. Large-size images may not upload properly, though we have seen some big-ass animated .gifs upwards of 5 MB. If you're still having trouble uploading the image, try to keep its longest dimension (horizontal or vertical) under 1000 pixels, or the whole thing under 2 MB.
To contact the author of this post, write to fahey@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @bunnyspatial.