Why try so hard to get a date with the Death of Sims, when you can have the real thing? Our 'shop-savvy readers envisioned countless last-date scenarios with the Grim Reaper in last week's contest. The results are in: Death wins. Death always wins.

In comparison, uscg_pa almost never wins, which is a real shame considering how supportive he is of the weekly contest. Well this is his week โ€” not because I feel guilty about never picking his creations for top honors, but because of the incredibly subtle scythe leaning against the wall in the background. That, and imagining Whoopi Goldberg in Death's place.

This Week's Other Winner-Types

Each of this week's runners-up receive a free death. Prizes will be mailed inevitably.

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barfarlamu11 โ€” for one form of fatal masturbation.

Cartoonivore โ€” for a different sort of fatal masturbation.

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Poop โ€” for Kevin Spacey and confusing tired Fahey with white bars for ten minutes.

Xerokitsune โ€” though I'd have just picked karaoke.

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Margatroid โ€” for resurrecting a meme so ancient I'm no longer sure I didn't just imagine it.

Cutthroat Bill โ€” for my heart will go on โ€” oops, nevermind.

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alephick โ€” though I don't get it, it's just Death in a wedding chapel.

Ganonthegreat1 โ€” for a fourth option.

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Taurenrider โ€” even though you left the hand in.

Fizziks โ€” because bring back Darksiders please.

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sciteach โ€” though this is not an image you want to present to a man with twin three-year-olds.

And finally...

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uscg_pa โ€” for the win!