Zombies Ate My Neighbors

Play it on: SNES, Genesis, PS5, PS4, Xbox Series X/S, Xbox One, Switch, Windows (Steam Deck: YMMV)
Current goal: Overcome past traumas

Anxiety, guilt, fear. Emotions we must all grapple with in this waking life sooner or later, and ones I was introduced to all at once via watching my older brother play the 16-bit LucasArts run-and-gun classic Zombies Ate My Neighbors back when it first released 30 years ago.

Today, I come to you a grown-ass man who is now, maybe, probably, brave enough to play through ZAMN Level 4: Chainsaw Hedgemaze Mayhem. For those unfamiliar, this is the stage in which you are introduced to nigh-unkillable hockey-masked psychos who will chase you down relentlessly and kill your beloved, shit-for-brains neighbors should you dawdle.

The sounds are what really get me still. Layered over Zombies’ excellent soundtrack are the anguished off-screen yelps of my pals as they’re being bisected and the constant revving of chainsaws, mowing down hedge mazes, hungrily seeking flesh until your player-character can make a clean escape.

OK, you know what? Having talked through it now, let’s do this next Halloween. — Eric Schulkin