Every year on April 16, folks across the country set aside their differences and roll out the poaching pits, shiny brass vats used to craft one of the integral components of the most expensive breakfast item on the menu outside of a steak. If you put Eggs Benedict inside of a steak, it wouldn't be Eggs Benedict, now would it?

English muffin, ham, poached eggs and Hollandaise — that's what Eggs Benedict is all about. Puerile idiots sometimes mistake Hollandaise with Béarnaise, but they wouldn't know a magnificent brass poaching vat from a pot of boiling water.

Oh don't be embarrassed. I forgot it was National Eggs Benedict Day myself, the realization not dawning until around noon, when a random tweet reminded me of my civic duty. I immediately left work and headed straight for the International House of Pancakes, the closest and cheapest means of acquiring this sublime delicacy.

Please excuse my hushed tones. I didn't wish to disturb the other patrons, of which there were none.


For a mere $10.58 I was able to procure a fair example of today's honoree, hash browns and a Diet Coke. A small price to pay for celebrating the finest, most decadent combination of cholesterol and fat available to man.

In all seriousness, I'd say the reason there is a National Eggs Benedict Day is because you should not eat this more than once every 365 days. Eggs and ham covered with butter and more egg? That's celebration food, and today's the day.


Happy Hollandaise!