I do not understand why I am playing this, so here's a kitten with a steamed bun on its head.

Bread Kittens is one of those free games I don't remember downloading but suddenly find myself playing more than I probably should. Set in the world of Catlandia, an evil pet food corporation is brainwashing the planet's cats, robbing them of their free will. Seeing as free will is the most annoying portion of cat anatomy, one would think that is a good thing, but apparently there's charm and grace to be found in scratching up the furniture and vomiting colors unlike anything you've eaten on the beige rug, so we've got to catch them all.


The only way to protect the felines of the world from mind control is baked goods, and you just happen to be a baker. You travel the world, battling your cats against the wild variety, earning the experience points, cash and flour needed to bake capture bread (for growing your crew) and armor (for protecting them).

It's one of the silliest things I've played on iTunes. The animation is simplistic. The combat is a timed button press. The baking is just a vehicle for a timer, which can be sped up using currency. The music is repetitive. There is a lot not to like about Bread Kittens.

But I can collect 116 cats, name them, and bread them.


That's how it's been with Bread Kittens over the past couple of weeks. I play for 30 minutes, promise myself I'll never play again, and then...


That's a bagel. And a pancake. With butter.

Until my actual cats allow me the pleasure of crafting fresh-baked bread product that fits around their tiny, annoying skulls, Bread Kittens will stay on my iPad. It's such a guilty pleasure for me I was forced to turn myself in to soothe my conscience. That's what separates us from the cats.


Bread Kittens

  • Genre: Baking, Pet Battles
  • Developer: Bake450
  • Platform: iOS
  • Price: Free

Get Bread Kittens in iTunes

To contact the author of this post, write to fahey@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @bunnyspatial.

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