If There's One Reason to Play Final Fantasy: All the Bravest, It's The Hilarious Flavor Text

While I'm not too keen on Final Fantasy: All the Bravest's copious amounts of in-app purchases and incredibly basic gameplay, a quick flip through the game's character, enemy and weapons collection pages is good for a fair amount of giggles, possibly even a guffaw or two.

Take the basilisk, for instance. If my mother had known I was sitting in my bedroom getting stoned after school I probably wouldn't have wound up in my current profession. I suspect drug testing is not mandatory for video game text translators.

Let's tip-toe through the collection and see what other hilarity ensues.

The dreaded wardrobe malfunction.

Who doesn't?

It's only a flesh wound.

Stupid Blood Lance, draining lives.

What, that isn't normal feline behavior?

That, or a quarter of the people at every anime convention I've ever attended.

Bow down!

Leaving this one alone.

You can't cut corners with poison, people.

Likely written by a doe-eyed high-schooler.

What else are you supposed to do with it?

Just some guy, you know?

I've had lousy luck with the premium character store.