If There's One Reason to Play Final Fantasy: All the Bravest, It's The Hilarious Flavor Text

While I'm not too keen on Final Fantasy: All the Bravest's copious amounts of in-app purchases and incredibly basic gameplay, a quick flip through the game's character, enemy and weapons collection pages is good for a fair amount of giggles, possibly even a guffaw or two.

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Take the basilisk, for instance. If my mother had known I was sitting in my bedroom getting stoned after school I probably wouldn't have wound up in my current profession. I suspect drug testing is not mandatory for video game text translators.

Let's tip-toe through the collection and see what other hilarity ensues.


The dreaded wardrobe malfunction.

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Who doesn't?

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It's only a flesh wound.

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Stupid Blood Lance, draining lives.

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What, that isn't normal feline behavior?

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That, or a quarter of the people at every anime convention I've ever attended.

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Bow down!

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Leaving this one alone.

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You can't cut corners with poison, people.

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Likely written by a doe-eyed high-schooler.

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What else are you supposed to do with it?

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Just some guy, you know?

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I've had lousy luck with the premium character store.

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