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If Everyone In Metallica Got Killed Fighting Aliens In XCOM

Illustration for article titled If Everyone In Metallica Got Killed Fighting Aliens In emXCOM/em

Everyone thinks that Metallica fell from grace, sold out, became corporate shills. But what if they'd gone out a different way? What if they suited up for battle, XCOM style, and went down in a blaze of glory while fighting off chryssalids?

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Gus Mastrapa, metal-head games writer extraordinare, has imagined this exact scenario, renaming his XCOM: Enemy Unknown squad to match the names of the famed California thrash band.

"We got cocky," Burton said to himself. "We thought we could do this, but we couldn't. We should have stayed in San Francisco and made records. I never wanted to save the world. I just wanted to drink beer and play my bass." But that's all over.

For a moment he thought he could just give into despair – let himself just fade to black.

"Fuck that."

Cliff Burton racked his shotgun, driving his remaining shells into position. He checked the settings on his Arc Thrower. "If I can take down two of the fuckers maybe, just maybe, I'll be able to bag the last one."

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I can't really do the thing justice, so just go read it. And remember, the next time you're feeling like you can't think of good names for your XCOM squaddies: There are probably a bunch more bands out there that want to save the world.

Heavy Metal XCOM [Bitcreature]

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DISCUSSION

Love their old stuff. Can listen to it anytime. However I think it was about when Load came out that they started slipping. I agree with the other comment ReLoad kind of bit. St. Anger literally made me angry. Absolute garbage. Death Magnetic sort of got it's feet under it, but I was not impressed. Will Metallica ever learn to write a song that's less than 5 minutes? How about not averaging 7 to 10 minutes long. I can listen to half a Ramones album in one Metallica song. They still kick ass live, as long as they stick to the classics.