I Swear, If It Rains In Zelda: Breath of the Wild One More God Damn Time

Breath of the Wild is an amazing game, but I do have some gripes with it. My biggest annoyance has to be the rain, an entity that has caused me more pain and suffering than Ganon’s evil forces.

Estimating conservatively from my ~60 hours of playtime, I’d say it pours more often in Hyrule than in Seattle, or even a literal freakin’ rainforest. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but unlike most games, rain is not just a pretty environmental detail in Breath of the Wild. In Zelda, when it rains, things get slippery—meaning you can’t keep climbing. Given that a good chunk of Breath of the Wild’s gameplay loop lies in scaling mountains (to see secrets, to scope out shrines, etc), the constant downpour is a giant pain in the ass.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been in the middle of an epic climb, only to lose all my progress because a single drop of water landed on Link’s forehead. Hell, I nearly lost my mind when first traversing Zora’s Domain, where it perpetually rains until Link calms the Divine Beast. It’s a ‘problem’ everywhere, though.

Let me paint you a picture. Last weekend, I was having a grand old time in a unexplored region. New area means “find the tower,” so I ran up to the highest possible peak and got to work. I was maybe 15 minutes into an arduous ascent…when the rain hit.

Okay, I thought to myself. Play it cool. I proceeded to hang on to nothing but the side of a gargantuan rock for hours, but I figured I could just wait it out, right?

Oh. SHIT. It turned into a thunderstorm! Freaking out, I did the only thing I could in that situation: I started to strip. I didn’t want to become a lightning rod, after all.

I don’t actually know how this strip-down was physically possible without falling off, but bless Link’s dexterity, I guess. One problem: I forgot to de-equip everything metal-based.

Welp. In my panic, I immediately went into my inventory to take off the last metal offender, only to accidentally drop my best shield down into the abyss. Sighing, and after many in-game hours of trying to climb this damned rock, I let go and went after it:

All that time, effort, and stamina-boosting items: gone. Thanks, rain!

After I retrieved my shield, for a moment, it seemed as if the rain had let up. Refusing to let this whole debacle get the better of me, I started climbing once more—I was going to finish my quest, god damn it. Wouldn’t you fucking know it, it started raining a few minutes into it AGAIN.

This time, Link was fully prepared (by which I mean, he was fully nude.) I refused to let him move until the rain passed, which hilariously, took about two in-game days. I don’t know how Link survived holding on to a mountain without food or shelter, or without contracting hypothermia, but hey, they don’t call him the Hero of Time for nothing!

Fuck you, rain. You’re the worst. Then again, without these rain mechanics, I wouldn’t have all these ridiculous stories, huh?

Bonus: here’s how to get the climbing gear, which should help some of you guys out. I refuse to look up the location of these items (or anything else in BOTW), so I’m going to have to live with this pain for who knows how much longer.