Hi, my name is Mark. This weekend I finished Zelda. I love leaf.
Let’s take a look at my current suite of weapons shall we?
Quite the line-up I’m sure you’ll agree.
I have the Master Sword, of course. I have a splendid collection of ‘++’ Guardian weaponry at my disposal. Axes, spears, swords, claymores. No expense spared, nothing but the best.
I also have my motherfuckin’ leaf.
This is a story about my leaf and how I never spent a single minute of my time in Zelda: Breath of the Wild without one.
My Korok leaf. What a beast.
Screw you if you don’t love leaf.
Here’s a picture of me in the mountain with my leaf.
Here’s a picture of me fanning myself in the desert with my leaf.
Here’s me at the top of a random mountain. It’s cold out here, but I don’t mind because I have my leaf.
If you’re not playing Zelda, a quick recap. In Breath of the Wild weapons break and you have a limited amount of slots with which to carry them. Inventory management is key and sometimes you need to make tough decisions and toss a perfectly good sword to the curb. Sure, it’s nice to have weapons that do a tremendous amount of damage, but it’s also worthwhile having weapons that do stuff. Weapons that set shit on fire, weapons that do electric stuff. Maybe a weapons that freezes things? How about a big ol’ hammer with which to smash rocks and extract diamonds and ore. All pretty useful.
But motherfucker you ain’t shit if you don’t have a Korok Leaf.
The weapons I’ve passed up on, weapons I’ve ignored to keep hold of my precious leaf: spears that do 40 damage, great Thunderblades, Guardian swords, royal claymores...
Don’t care. Gimme dat leaf life forever and no regrets.
The only time I’ve thrown away a leaf is to pick up a fresher, newer, less damaged leaf.
Mate, what if I find a boat? How else am I gonna get that thing to move — with the wind? Don’t make me laugh. What if I want to go on a moonlit sail down some beautiful lake? What if I want to fan a Bokoblin off a cliff?
What if I want to go to Eventide island?
Do I look like I have the stamina to swim over there?
Get real. Get yourself a leaf. Live your leaf life to the fullest and never look back. Learn to love leaf.
Mark Serrels writes for Kotaku Australia, where this story was originally published.