"It's like watching paint dry." What's that like, exactly? Thanks to our team of crack image manipulators rising to the challenge of creating the most horrible simulation game, now we know.

Workmanship always counts, but sometimes it counts a whole lot less. In the case of last week's 'Shop Contest, I was really looking for minimal effort — take an image, toss some text on to it, and bingo. No entry embraced that spirit as well as JAMS Paint Drying Simulator.

JAMS won because I was overwhelmed by this piece's composition. There's so little of it. I love it.


JAMS also won because I couldn't place a giant vagina on top of the home page. That, and I am finally enforcing the 636 pixel wide rule — with so many excellent entries to go through, I really can't waste time resizing. Keep that in mind as we scroll through this week's other winners.

arniejolt — sadly I cannot top the site with a giant vagina.

Voltaire Crescent — hey now.

Monochrome — if only they'd listen.

My other car was the other woman — for persistence.

Contrarianator — for making me click all over the place, trying to back the image.

azureguy — because it's not working.

Ravek — for the pickles.

U.I. 2.0 — even though this is a real game.

Greg Dwyer — because I want this for my kids, as punishment for buying things on Amazon.

Mac46 — because I want to store pudding in the controller.

Comabear — just the one hand?

Nosek — hopefully this mention will help pay rent somehow.

Liquid-X: I would have also accepted The Elder Scrolls Online review simulator.

chamoo232 — even though I don't get it...just a normal human male with his family.

PrivateNewbie — for as little work possible for a laugh.

Kaiochi — because it's basically true.

bjoern45 — for getting us all killed.

GiantBoyDetective — for not insulting anyone at all!

Lestricon — just to piss off Yannick.

Courtdog — because I am hungry.

Chigachow — because adding text totally counts.

WordsWithSam: because I have no idea what's Happening. Get it?

DethDonald — and then he got Her PS3.

Hero of Time 231: because i like the use of empty space.

YesReally199: just in case he didn't catch enough flack already.

LeonardoBob: because this looks like more fun than actually opening boxes.

MrDeadScott: because we really need this game.

Exovedate: mainly because there were three versions with a changelog.

bafarlamu11 — this seems about right.

Dargor: PhotoShop Infinite.

Chrury Sanson: because the blue skies really do make the sim game.

greatpaperclip: because I worked phone support for six years. Still have nightmares.

Seita: for appealing to my carnal nature.

Eclebright: ow ow ow ow ow.

chiefnoah: for being nice about it. And maybe spelling browser wrong.

Tasty Whale: for reminding me about Fake Gamer of the Week. *sniff*

Elyzian Fields: for finding this photo.

Orionsangel: because I'd play this more than I actually wash dishes.

ThePendragon: O.O

Steven_Spectre: sitting in a horrible place doing nothing has never felt so real.

and of course...

JAMS — for the win.