The second iteration of FreshPlanet’s ridiculously popular multiplayer music trivia game was released last week, and since then I’ve been pitted against what I imagine as a never-ending stream of complete and utter bastards.

The first iteration of SongPop briefly captured the music lover in me back in 2012, trapping me in a world where all that mattered was whether or not I could tell Rick Springfield from Bruce Springsteen in as few notes as possible. I was fiercely competitive, but not so much that I cursed my opponents at every turn.


Something has changed in me between now and then. Since I’ve started playing SongPop 2, now available on iOS and Facebook, every opponent has been ridiculed, derided and otherwise called names that more than likely do not apply to them.

Here’s the game in a nutshell: choose who to play against (strangers, Facebook “friends”), choose one of three playlists (genres, artists, etc.) and then see who can correctly name five songs or their artists correctly the fastest. Win and you’ll earn coins which can be used to unlock a massive array of playlists. Lose and you’ll win a single coin and—if you’re me—call your opponent’s picture icon some combinations of words including “fuck.” Fuck neck. Fuck cabbage. Fuck puddle.

These placeholder images from the official press shots might seem like nice people, but I assure you they are all evil, perhaps junkies, possibly racist.


Of course this is all some sort of strange fiction my mind creates in order to deal with the rush of competitiveness that comes when my musical knowledge is challenged. Some people compete at sports. Some get really into first-person shooters. For me it’s trivia. Never play Trivial Pursuit with me. You might get stabbed with a cocktail fork. It’s happened.


It’s not just me. I’ve also recruited my wife into my circle of hate. Imagine the women above are real opponents. My wife, sitting behind me and looking over my shoulder to help with the more modern music, will not hesitate to call one of them the B word. Sometimes, during particularly heated rounds, she’ll go up an alphabet letter. She’s pretty much a monster.

It’s even worse in the game’s new Party Mode. Party Mode sees people from around the world jumping into timed daily sessions to claw their way to the top of the trivia leaderboards. Five players compete in real-time per round, and you’ll often see the same folks in your little party round after round after round. These people are the fucking worst.


I think it’s a combination of seeing them over and over and over again with the fact that they are actively attempting to rob you of the prizes (coins and party tickets) that come with securing a spot at the top of the board before the tournament ends. Try and take non-existent food out of my children’s perfectly full mouths? You motherfuckers are going down.


Yeah, I’m talking about you, Linda B. You like to think you’re just some bored housewife relaxing with a cute iPad trivia game, but you are actually stabbing me in the chest with your knowledge of ‘70s rock over and over again, laughing while slowly coating yourself in my lifeblood.

Come the fuck on, Linda B. You’re not fooling anyone.

Of course this hatred does not extend to the Facebook friends I play against. They get a different, more intense and personal sort of hate, because they should fucking know better. Stop challenging me, CeCe!


Yep, I’ve got problems.

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