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I Can't Wait To Fight Pokémon Shield's Nerdy New Psychic-Type Rival

Illustration for article titled I Cant Wait To Fight iPok/iemémon Shield/ems Nerdy New Psychic-Type Rival

The upcoming Pokémon Sword and Shield DLC, The Isle of Armor, will feature two new rivals exclusive to each of the games. Sword will get Klara, who specializes in poison type Pokémon, while Shield will get Avery, a Psychic-type gym trainer. I have Shield, and while Klara is demonstrably cuter than Avery, I can’t wait to bully that little nerd.


First of all, take a look at this dweeb. He’s wearing a top hat, a frilly collar, and knee-high socks. That’s already a lot of look. At this point I noticed that he’s also tucking his sports jersey into his shorts. I know it’s tempting fate to make fun of someone that is the master of extremely powerful Pokémon, but I can’t help it. Have you ever seen a bigger dork in your life?

Although I ended up choosing Shield over Sword because of Galarian Ponyta, who is my child, I was a little disappointed that I’m stuck with the demonstrably worse legendary. Sword players get Zacian, a cool dog with a sword, whereas I get Zamazenta, a weird dog with a beard shaped like a shield. Besides that, there’s not a huge amount of difference between the games, other than a few gym leaders, but if I know anything from playing Pokémon since I was a child, the game with the lamer legendary is usually the less popular game.


All my buyer’s remorse goes away now. As cute as Klara is—and she’s so cute with that puffy coat and bow on her head—I cannot wait to grind Avery into the dust. He’s the perfect rival. I wanna steal his lunch money.

Editor’s note: The headline of this post has been changed to better reflect the nature of the blog.

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You’re running a story with a headline promoting bullying. You write about how excited you are to beat someone up because they’re not dressing in a way that agrees with you. Add in name calling and comparisons to the “demonstrably cuter” character - dress cute or be judged and beaten. Yes, it’s a game with made-up characters and sure, you’re *probably joking, but the fact that you had these thoughts in your head and ran with them and published them in this way is disturbing. Based off this piece, I highly question the value of your voice as a part of this organization.  And I question this organization allowing this piece to go through.