How Would I have Texted for Help?

To: Ash
From: Crecente

Are you one of those see a button, push a button guys? I am. That's why I don't sit in the emergency exit row of airplanes. I have almost zero control over my innate curiosity.

Take for instance the knob of the bathroom door at the lab I had to go to today. I was giving urine and blood samples for my annual physical. They lab tech asked me to go pee in a cup and when I was walking into the bathroom I couldn't help but notice that the place where a keyhole usually is, was just a black hole. And it was thumb-sized. So I stuck my thumb in it.

Now picture this. I'm walking into a bathroom at a lab, pee cup in hand and I jab my thumb into the knob. And then it sticks. Just for a few seconds, but enough time for me to panic and have flashes of the fire department being called to remove my thumb with tiny jaws of life.


Fortunately, one sharp tug and soft pop later, and my hand was free.

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Michael Dukakis

I hate blood tests. I haven't had one where I didn't faint. Needles in general make me faint, as well as the sight of blood.