Loot boxes! They’re all anyone can talk about these days. But what if we didn’t have to talk about loot boxes. What if there were other types of boxes we could talk about instead.

I wish we could talk about these boxes, and the wonderful secrets they could contain.

Hoot Boxes: A box full of owls.

Moot Boxes: Contain points already made in a discussion.

Toot Boxes: Just cute little model steam trains.

Coot Boxes: Old men who are upset that football players are taking a knee.

Zoot Boxes: Loads of 1940s suits.

Soot Boxes: A mass of impure carbon particles resulting from the incomplete combustion of hydrocarbons.

Foot Boxes: Also known as shoes. These boxes would contain shoes.

Root Boxes: A 1/8 chance of getting Questlove.

Lute Boxes: For Troubadours that don’t want to grind to unlock.

Also:

In closing: we’re fine with boxes, they just need better stuff.