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Hard-Hearted Harbinger of Haggis

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Greetings, Kotaku! Welcome to the Tuesday open-thread. It's been a busy day 'round Kotaku way, and I've been unable to amass the requisite amount of off-topic links for you to read and gab about.

So instead, I thought I'd improvise and share my favorite poem from a movie maybe ever.

I'm referring, of course, to Charlie Mackenzie's "Harriet" from So I Married an Axe Murderer.

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Harriet.
Har-ee-et.
Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis.

Beautiful
bemused
belicose butcher.

Un trust-ing
Un know-ing
Un love... ed?

He wants you back he screams into the night air
like a fireman going to a window that has no fire

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Except the passion of his heart.

I am lonely,
It's really hard.
This poem… sucks.

And there… you have it. If only it were actually possible to make a living in San Francisco writing that kind of dreck.

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What's your favorite bad piece of poetry? Maybe something from David Brent? Something more obscure? Do you like any poetry at all?

Have good chatting, folks. See you tomorrow.