Golden Tee 2014 's Big News: We Got Cigars

Illustration for article titled emGolden Tee 2014/em s Big News: We Got Cigars

Alongside fighting games, longtime dive bar staple Golden Tee is one of the last viable arcade cabinets. Arcade titles aren't rated by the ESRB, so if Golden Tee wants to put a big ol' telephone pole cigar in its players' mouths, it can without being called out for "tobacco use." And it will, because Golden Tee DGAF.

For some reason this is a big deal to the Golden Tee community. The game's maker, Incredible Technologies, Inc. announced it a couple days ago. "Yes, a cigar will be an unlockable 'head gear' item in the next installment of the game which is closing in," ITS said in a statement. "And this is probably the most amazing piece of virtual clothing we’ve ever created."


Most amazing? It's a goddamn cigar, not MC Hammer's pants. It's not even clothing! I'll also note we were alerted to this by an email that said "IMPORTANT Golden Tee news"—nothing else—in the subject header.

The see-gar will be an unlockable item awarded the same as any other, through games played, birdies, holes-in-one, etc., Golden Tee 2014 goes out to test locations on Wednesday. How did the community respond? "I'm gonna be the hippest girl golfer," said one fan on the game's Facebook page. "When can we put a beer on the tee box?" said another. "Can I smoke with my mask on?" said a third.

That last one says a lot. Man, Golden Tee has changed a lot since I last played it.

Smoke 'em if Ya Got 'em [Golden Tee]

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Fuck the cigars, go ahead and give me MC Hammer's pants. In every sports game I play. From now on. Ever.