Because Aperture Science would never release something as plebeian as a pinball table.

Coming next week to Zen Pinball 2, Pinball FX 2 and whatever other pinball platforms Zen Studios has running about causing trouble, Portal Pinball reunites fans of Valve’s first-person puzzler with the likes of GLaDOS, Wheatley, Atlas, P-Body and the ever talkative Chell in an all-new, incredibly scientific way. Experience physics in an exciting new format. Mind you this is only a small-scale version—the final product needs to be large enough to fit a medium-sized human encased in a giant ball.

Here’s what the Steam page has to say:

Zen Studios, in collaboration with Aperture Laboratories and Valve, is proud to present the “Aperture Science Heuristic Portal Pinball Device”, proving that persistent experimentation is not only the hallmark of good science for the benefit of mankind, but also incalculably fun!

Table features:

  • Guide Chell and Wheatley through test chambers by navigating portals, using aerial faith plates, defeating turrets and facing other obstacles.
  • Battle against GLaDOS as you attempt to escape the facility and reach the surface.
  • Team up with ATLAS and P-Body for their Cooperative Testing Initiative Multiball.
  • Discover Ratman’s hidden mini playfield and wreak havok on the Turret Factory

Note that my final score was 10,617,597 points, the highest score among all of my friends, none of whom have the table yet. A winner is I.

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The First Five is the first five minutes of a game with light commentary. Once the five minutes are up, so am I.

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