Excerpts From an Erotic Shadow the Hedgehog/Borderlands Fan Ficton

Illustration for article titled Excerpts From an Erotic emShadow the Hedgehog/em/emBorderlands/em Fan Ficton

Searching as I do from time to time through the video game crossover wonderland that is FanFiction.net, I happened to turn off the mature story filter for a split-second, during which I encountered the raunchiest, steamiest Shadow the Hedgehog-meets-Borderlands story I've ever read.

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It's also the only one, but that's not important right now. What is important is that author Lil Knucklez has captured the very souls of Borderlands' Lilith and Maya and Sonic the Hedgehog's "ultimate life form". Then he makes them have sex.

First, a little set-up.

Author Note: After I've watch some Bonderlands 1 and 2 gameplay and some playthrough to it and this gave me an idea. Why not put the Ultimate Life Form with the 2 sirens together.

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This is a perfectly legitimate idea to have after watching some Bonderlands 1 and 2 gameplay. If your first thought after seeing a female character in a clip from a video game isn't "Hey, they should have sex with an anthropomorphic hedgehog", then maybe you should take a good long look inside yourself.

This tale, titled "Hedgehog and his Sirens" (not to be confused with the sequel), sees Shadow tooling about town on his motorcycle when his phone rings.

"Hey Shadow, me and my friend here would like some company. Come on over" the unknown female replied

"I don't know"

"C'mon, we're lonely here and we want to have some fun. Please come over and don't keep us waiting"

"Well… Ok, send you asked nicely. I'll be there in about 4 minutes"

Right off the bat Shadow establishes his dominance, making the mysterious woman wait for his answer. And 4 minutes? This is a fuzzy little critter that knows where he's going and how long it takes to get there; not five minutes, not a minute — 4 minutes.

That doesn't leave them much time to make microwave popcorn. And just who are they anyway?

Minutes later, Shadow arrived at the destination. He heads inside the residence and closed the door. The 2 ladies notice Shadow as they walk up to him as one female has red hair whose name is Lilith and the second female had blue hair as her name was Maya. The 2 ladies walked up towards Shadow and putting their hands on him and snuggled up to him seductively.

"We've been waiting for you, Ultimate Life Form" Lilith cooed as she and Maya began to kiss on Shadow smoothly and rapidly

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Lil Knucklez is obviously well-versed in the physical arts. "Smoothly and rapidly". Now that's hot. Smoothly.

In the interest of keeping this PG-rated I'll skip the bits about hands slipping down towards places hedgehogs won't normally give up without horrible puncture wounds. Suffice it to say that just as things are about to get all dirty, Lilith and Maya decide to put on a little show.

Lilith and Maya giggled and they got up from the bed as they head to the pole and start to dance. Lilith put on some soft music as the song began to play Gucci Mane: I Don't Love Her ft. Rocko and Webbie. Lilith and Maya dance to the song to the pole and start to move their hips to the song. Shadow starts to enjoy the show as he put his hands behind his head and just watch the 2 sirens dance.

In the interest of setting the correct mood for this scene, I've included the official music video for Gucci Mane's "I Don't Love Her ft. Rocko and Webbie". It's pretty easy to imagine the rest now, isn't it? Glad I could help.

"You like what you see here, baby" Maya asked

"You bet I am ladies, why don't you ladies come over here and get all of this pleasure" Shadow commanded as he gave them a come here finger

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Come here fingers: Now available in your grocer's freezer.

The rest of the story gets incredibly dirty in an inept sort of way, so I'll just rapid-fire a few short lines for your consideration.

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"Lilith and Maya smiled as they drop it low and start to crawl to the bed seductively and smoothly like a kitty cat."

"YYYYYEEEEESSS SHAAAAAAADOOOOOOOOOOOW"

"Well I'm glad that we had this fun and a good time ladies"

"Well in the meantime ladies, since we're all worn out for the last longing sex. How about we all go to sleep now"

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After a prolonged period of extra consonants and vowels the ending is just as satisfying as you've probably imagined by now. Lil Knucklez proves his passing familiarity with sexual acts again and again until he the characters collapse, breathless and satisfied.

He could have stopped the story there, but he can't resist taking one final shot at the lesser hedgehog of the series.

Sonic nodded and they walk back to Tail's place but suddenly, they then notice Shadow and the 2 siren ladies were up on him as they were walking together and the 2 siren ladies were smiling.

"Wow… Shadow got the ladies in his touch" Sonic exclaimed

"Uh huh…" Tails replied

Sirens image courtesy of One-Bit World

(This article originally posted on 10/22/2012)

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DISCUSSION

makerofthegames
makerofthegames

Can someone explain to me why the Sonic fandom is so prolific? Seriously, there's just a massive amount of fanfic, fanart, fangames, everything. I cannot comprehend it.

Yes, the old games were pretty good. And even some of the newer ones are... acceptable. I've certainly played worse. And the story certainly isn't exceptional.

But seriously, look at some of the numbers. On Fanfiction.net, there's 27,000 pure Sonic fanfics (fourth place, between FF7 and Zelda), and 1900 crossovers (third place, between Pokemon and FF7). I could probably find similar numbers for DeviantArt or anywhere else. It's beating out stuff that's not only much better in recent times, but stuff that would seem to be a better source for fanfics.

And furthermore, why the hell is so much of it erotic stuff? I mean, fine, I can accept that some people get off on that (I've come to accept that people will get off to pretty much everything, from saturday morning cartoons to the proper usage of the Oxford comma), but you would think "hedgehog" would limit the number of people drawing porn of it to a relatively low number. But I did some checking on multiple sites I probably shouldn't link to, and Sonic was always in the top 10, often ridiculously so (it beat out FF7 on a porn site *named* after a FF7 character).

Seriously, what's with this? Is there any explanation for why a kid-oriented 90s game franchise featuring weirdly-colored talking animals gets this much fan-stuff? Is it because the characters are practically archetypes, having no real backstory or distinct characterization? Is it because it's furry-friendly but can mesh with non-furry stories without being too weird? Is it all some meta-joke I'm missing out on? Is there something my feeble mind just refuses to understand?