Tickets for the midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises might be sold out across the board, but here's one guy with a spare. Don't get too excited: there's a catch.
Update: The listing, created as a prank by comedian Joe Stapleton, has sadly been removed from Craigslist.
This anonymous Craiglister, posting in the "men seeking women" section from Los Angeles, says he'll take you to see The Dark Knight on one condition: you have to have sex with him. A lot. You'll probably have to do other stuff too. Snacks are on him.
Here's the message in its entirety:
That's right. I have two tickets for the Dark Knight. Not just any two tickets, either. Tickets for the 12:01am Thursday night (tonight)/Friday morning IMAX showing. And I want one of those tickets to be yours. What a cool first date, right? I grew up sneaking snacks into the movies, and I hated it - so also let's make it a point to go nuts at the snack bar. Obviously, on me. I would insist. :-)
All I'm asking is that you be cute (be honest, LOL!), cool, and a good catch. Also, you have to be willing to f*ck me. A lot.
Most people are going to write an ad like this and mention how "I expect nothing of you other than the pleasure of your company." Not the case here. You're going to have to f*ck me. Again: maybe a lot. Sorry.
WE ARE TALKING ABOUT THE DARK F*CKING KNIGHT F*CKING RISES HERE, PEOPLE.
I am not giving this ticket away without getting f*cked.
Not only are you going to have to f*ck me, but you're also probably going to have to s*ck me, bl*w me, and maybe even l*ck my t**nt. I don't know. I haven't figured all that other stuff out yet, but definitely plan on f*cking me.
The length of the f*cking could vary, but I think we'll just say that the MOST I'd require is a f*cking equal to or lesser than the length of the movie. No, not including the trailers and credits - I'm not a CRAZY PERSON! Besides, if I have a lot to drink that night, or accidentally think about my ex-girlfriend, you'll probably only have to f*ck me once. But if, CoinStar willing, I happen to pick up one of those $10 gas station boner pills, we might f*ck for a while.
Also, I'm not looking to f*ck a one night stand, so you're probably going to have to hang out for a bit afterwards. I won't call it cuddling, but, ok, yeah let's just call it that. Eye-gazing isn't required, mostly because I'm usually horribly shameful afterwards and eye-contact makes me feel sick to my stomach, but listening sure as hell is: I'm going to need to tell you a lot about my Mom and my ex-girlfriend.
Ok, but again, The Dark Knight Rises, 12:01am, IMAX, unlimited trips to the snack bar - and all you have to do is f*ck me. I think I'm taking a beating on this, but what can I say....I just want to give back to another true fan like me.