Console War Takes Dark Turn As Microsoft Turns Poor Canadian Into Xbox Controller

Illustration for article titled Console War Takes Dark Turn As Microsoft Turns Poor Canadian Into Xbox Controller
Photo: Microsoft (Other)

You maniacs! Damn you. God damn you all to hell.

Kotaku staff writer. You can reach him at ethan.gach@kotaku.com

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ethangach
Ethan Gach

Alternative headlines that did not make the cut because none of them were mine:

  • Xbox Controller Puts On Jeans For First Time In Weeks
  • This Xbox Controller Has Pockets, Unlike My Goddamn Pants
  • This Is The Xbox Controller For Letterkenny Fans
  • Xbox Canada Debuts World’s First Non-Nude Xbox Controller
  • Xbox Controller Is A Classy Dude, Puts On Jorts
  • Xbox Controller Pretends It Doesn’t Know How Good Its Ass Looks In These
  • Xbox Controller Just Back From Taking Kids To Soccer Practice
  • Confirmed: Xbox Controller Is Definitely A Nevernude
  • Nevernude Xbox Controller Finally Comfortable In Full Denim Bodysuit