Advertisement

After the failure of Blizzard’s MMORPG Project Titan, which was cancelled in 2014 following disagreements between developers, Metzen said that morale at Blizzard was low. The team had spent several years on it and the disappointment was crushing, and especially for him. Metzen confided that one of his greatest fears was letting down Blizzard and its fans.

“What if the next game isn’t perfect? What if people hate it? What if, through the course of action, I dishonor the company or dishonor myself through not performing well enough?” Metzen asked. “Looking back now, I see I had kind of fallen into a trap, which is this cycle of performance. . . At some level, i just had this desperate need for validation.” A “vicious loop” of needing validation, performing, exceeding expectations, raising the bar and needing to perform beyond expectations again, he said, fostered new anxieties in him over the last three years.

Advertisement

“You’re never safe. You have to out-do it the next time. It’s kind of this train you can never get off,” Metzen said.

After Titan’s cancellation, Metzen fell in with the Overwatch project. It was, in his words, “one last charge at the wall.” He helped rally morale and push the game through to completion. And it is a god damned excellent game.

Advertisement

In the process, though, Metzen suffered from nonstop anxiety. During movies with his wife, he’d experience what he’d later learn were panic attacks. He felt like his lungs would stop, but when he consulted doctors, nothing was wrong with him. It was the beginning of 2016, and with the upcoming release of World of Warcraft’s Legion, Overwatch, its animated shorts, the Blizzard movies and, also, a new baby, Metzen was crushed under the pressure to do it all.

“I need a change in my life,” Metzen said. Blizzard was his family too, but he chose to leave and help nourish his real one. Over the last few months, he’s been meditating on his time at Blizzard. He says that leisure agrees with him.

Advertisement

“I spent so many years running real hot and real fast and chasing this dream that I had and also being a good soldier, a good officer, for this company I was with,” Metzer said. Now, he’s just thankful.