Cat Sucks At Elite Dangerous

Among Elite Dangerous’ many player groups, there may be none better known than the unerringly altruistic Fuel Rats. The leaderless collective has one mission and one mission only: to rescue pilots stranded in the ever-ravenous vacuum of space. Recently, one of them completely screwed that up. Because of a cat.

Yesterday, the Fuel Rats released a public statement semi-jokingly apologizing for an incident in which a Rat was mid-rescue when their cat jumped on the keyboard.

“After a successful rescue in Col 285 Sector KB-X A17-3, a feline co-pawlot aboard the responding Fuel Rat’s ship activated the ship’s boost,” wrote the Fuel Rats’ Cpt_Shinobi. “The resulting collision caused the loss of both the client and the Fuel Rat’s ships.” The client “left chat and unfriended the Fuel Rat before explanations could be given,” they said.


The organization also noted that it has safety protocols among its standard operating procedures and will be conducting an “investigation” to ensure that they were followed in this case. While the Fuel Rats are trying to reach out to the player whose ship was destroyed in the catflagration to offer them compensation, they’re mostly just having a good laugh about this whole thing.

“We find it very humorous that a Cat killed a Rat,” said Cpt_Shinobi. “Also don’t rule out that the cat might have stowed the landing gear, turned on the windshield wipers, ejected all cargo, turned off flight-assist, left paw prints on the desk, and likely activated Silent Running.”

Kotaku senior reporter. Beats: Twitch, streaming, PC gaming. Writing a book about streamers tentatively titled "STREAMERS" to be published by Atria/Simon & Schuster in the future.

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Cats are and always have been agents of chaos. My seventeen pound tomcat frequently tries to help me grade student papers—largely by jumping into my lap when I’m not looking and then settling his chest and forepaws on my keyboard.

...this generally results in previously coherent, reasonably useful critical commentary becoming an unending stream of “graklkbnkubognlaknbbg.”

Honestly, I think his commentary might do some of my students as much value as my own does, given the amount of attention some of them seem to pay to it.