Before you step completely naked (server settings willing) onto the hot sands of Conan Exiles’ barbaric wasteland, there are a few adjustments to be made. Here’s a not safe for work trip through the game’s NSFW character creation, dick sliders and all.

Before we get into it, know that you don’t have to be exposed to wind-swept genitalia and naked breasts to enjoy Funcom’s take on the survival game genre. There is a option in the game settings that lets players specify between no, partial or full nudity, with partial nudity putting loincloths on characters but leaving their chests exposed. I imagine the Xbox One release of the game will have that setting removed, though stranger things have happened.

The player character begins their life in the savage wastes as an exile (hence the game title), crucified and left to die in the desert sun. While modesty dictates at least a cloth diaper or fur skirt, in the savage world of Conan the folks doing the exiling often opt for the more practical birthday suit option.

Why waste clothing on a guy who is going to die anyway?


This is where character creation starts. First we select a race. They’re a bunch of options, but they’re all just different humans with slightly varying origins and looks.

One race in particular stands out, at least among male characters. While most races’ default model sport a modest penis, the default Kushite character is swinging for the fences.


I do not know why the Kushite starts with the penis preset set to enormous, but I’ve played on several different servers and the men of the “Black Kingdom” always start longer. I reached out to developer Funcom to see if they had an explanation, attaching the following GIF as proof.

Possibly the best GIF I have ever made.

There are also plenty of face sliders available to make your survivor man more unique, so it’s not just about the whole penis thing. Men even get a fine selection of eye shadow to wear, because being naked doesn’t have to mean you’re not looking your absolute best.


This is a good look.

On the female side of things we’ve got similar options for face, resulting in a nice variety of different looks.


And where there is a penis-size slider, you know a breast slider isn’t far behind. This one features a modest range of sizes, nothing too-too ridiculous.

Once character creation is complete, your in-game avatar is thrust into the Exiled Lands, where they’ll have to forage, fight and fortify to survive.


I will say one thing for beginning a survival game with a naked character, it sure adds urgency to learning to craft pants.


Though I am sure there will be many players who prefer to revel in the option to leap through the desert sands in nothing more than the skin they’re in.

Fly free, my friends.

Conan Exiles is currently out on PC for Steam Early Access.