Biff Tannen Final Four Special: Ohio State Wins the National Championship

Illustration for article titled Biff Tannen Final Four Special: Ohio State Wins the National Championship

Hey, are you a sports fan on the go? Who has time these days to watch the big game, or bother with messy DVR, or boring highlight shows? With Biff Tannen's Sports Almanac, we'll give you the weekend's biggest matchups before they happen, thanks to these highly accurate peer-reviewed scientific simulations of sports video gaming's finest titles.


Note: Information presented for entertainment purposes only. If you consult video games for sports betting advice, seek help.

OK, shrimps. So I didn't do so hot on the main tournament. In fact I got none of the Final Eight right and went something like 23-37. Turns out, I was readin' the almanac from 2102, not 2012. My mistake. Then, there was a power outage last week and I couldn't fire up the Mr. Fusion to go get the correct edition until now. But here I've got the results from today's games and Monday's so you can go bet everything you have with confidence, assuming you didn't lose it two weeks ago.

Final Four

Simulated using College Hoops 2K8
Rosters by 2K Share/NATIVE AMERICAN

• Louisville 75, Kentucky 59 (Saturday)—Kentucky fans have spent all week acting like the heavily favored Wildcats have already won this game. Well, this game isn't played on paper. It's played on an Xbox 360, dammit, and Biff Tannen's Sports Almanac calls the Cardinals a winner. Kentucky has an absolutely horrid day, shooting 20 of 63 and committing 15 turnovers. Louisville center Gorgui Dieng gets into foul trouble early and plays just 16 minutes but the Wildcats, in one of the greatest chokes ever, fail to capitalize on his absence. Louisville freshman Chane Behanan supplies 17 points and 10 rebounds to deny John Calipari a second vacated appearance in the NCAA final.

• Ohio State 71, Kansas 65 (Saturday)—The duel between forwards Thomas Robinson of Kansas and Jared Sullinger of Ohio State lives up to the hype, and Sullinger gets the better of it, tallying 19 points and 12 rebounds to Robinson's 15 and 8. The Buckeyes' Aaron Craft and the Jayhawks' Tyshawn Taylor also are a pairing to watch, with Craft getting the better of the deal in a 12-point, eight assist evening. Ohio State shoots just under 50 percent for the game and fends off a late KU rally to advance to Monday. A key to the game: Kansas center Jeff Withey is neutralized, tallying just four points and grabbing seven rebounds, but going to the free throw line only three times.

National Championship

• Ohio State 82, Louisville 72 (OT) (Monday)—Questionable officiating is the story of regulation time as Craft gets into trouble with stupid, ticky-tack fouls, and completely fouls out midway through the second half. That allows Louisville to stage a comeback and tie the game, sending it to overtime. But the deeper Buckeyes are too much for the Cardinals, and Louisville misses the contribution of both Behanan and Peyton Siva. Behanan, so brilliant two nights before, ends up with six points on 2-for-15 shooting. Siva dishes seven assists but supplies little scoring. In the end, it's another outstanding performance from tournament MOP Sullinger, who adds another 19 and 8 rebounds. Shooting guard William Buford plays a vital role, dishing 7 assists in Craft's absence and tallying another 13 points. [Ohio State box] [Louisville box]


Biff's Record: 23-37 last two weeks (NCAA Tournament picks), 46-61 lifetime. I spilled beer all over when that car smashed into me. Who's gonna pay my cleaning bill?


Cody Ridley

Ironically, today proved Biff was wrong. OSU lost by 2 points. I should know... I live in Columbus, OH. Many things were turned over and many people were sad drunks last night. I guess Biff's fortune is in another timeline.