The Lost Boys (1987)

Joel Schumacher’s The Lost Boys is certainly not the scariest vampire movie, and possibly not the funniest, but it’s the one I can watch and rewatch, over and again, while quoting along with all its most iconic scenes in the most infuriating way possible.

It’s so wonderfully ‘80s, yet utterly timeless, a ludicrous mishmash of adult horror, Spielbergish children’s caper, and teenage metal album cover, a combination that’s clearly aimed at no one and yet perfect for everyone. This is a movie that has chilling nighttime vampiric stalking sequences and the line, “My own brother, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire! You wait ‘til mom finds out!”

While I’m not going to try to argue that this film isn’t cheesy, I am going to argue that it’s more than cheesy. That’s in large part thanks to a cast that, alongside 80s cheddar-chewers like Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, features the likes of Jason Patric, Edward Herrmann, and the always exquisite Dianne Wiest. Never mind Alex Winter, two years before anyone would hear of Bill & Ted.

It’s hilariously funny, but it’s funny on purpose. It’s surprisingly creepy, but always with a wry grin. And it’s by far the most quotable vampire film ever made. “Maggots, Michael. You’re eating maggots.” “Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds want to know.” “Then what are ya? The flying nun?!” — John Walker