The Bachelor has ruined my life…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvREJfLoIYs

…and defiled my Wii with The Bachelor: The Videogame (one word). Let me be clear, every time I watch a season of something from the prolific Bachelor franchise, I horrify myself. The competitive marriage show and its diehard fans, the self-proclaimed Bachelor Nation, embodies the most boring, restrictive qualities of white, ascetic Middle America, and it visibly ruins people’s psyches as they compete to marry someone whose name is probably Chris or Lauren. It’s a drawn-out, poorly formatted show that catapults despicable people to fame, but I watch it because I am no better than a brainless earthworm. Sorry!

The Bachelor released its own video game for Nintendo Wii and DS in 2010—it’s actually just one of a few franchises on this list with a middling proprietary game, but I chose to single out The Bachelor because I need to emphasize its failures in order to release its hold on my life.

The Videogame requires you to complete a series of mini-games (which stand in for the series’ competitive group dates) that will remind you of the good Flash Player days in order to marry Jason Mesnick, the first Bachelor, or another hunky real man turned into a marshmallow by 2010 graphics. It sucks. I want Lana Del Rey to put a hex on The Bachelor’s network ABC so that I can regrow a brain.