The Loot Goblin

Battle royales drop you into sprawling warzones with very little tools to keep you alive—you need to find the best tools, and Loot Goblins will do it faster than anyone else. Like Sonic sprinting to collect coins, these guys will make a beeline for loot crates and snatch every single item in it, whether they work together or not. They seem to always make it onto the map a full 30 seconds before anyone else loads in. I encounter the worst of these greedy bastards in Apex Legends, where loot crates often have a disparate array of weapons, ammo, and attachments that require you to seek out their counterparts. Loot Goblins take it all, however, snatching up every sight, stock, and health pack in sight like they’ll be able to beat someone over the head with a med kit.

These people do not care if you are left empty-handed, standing in an open field with enemy squads landing around you. They will simply gather every shiny object like a magpie and run away, leaving you to fend for yourself. Much, much later, they might ping something they oh-so-charitably dropped for the inventory space.