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Backhanded Box Quotes: "Tolerable With Friends ... but So Is Dying of Bowel Cancer."

Illustration for article titled Backhanded Box Quotes: Tolerable With Friends ... but So Is Dying of Bowel Cancer.

Welcome back to "Backhanded Box Quotes," a collection of measured, thoughtful criticism from the user reviews of Metacritic, Amazon and elsewhere.


Two games this week released to nearly universal acclaim, unless you're The Wall Street Journal. Borderlands 2 and Torchlight II. But in the great shining ideas marketplace and opinion democracy known as consumer reviews, both games have to answer to a harsher authority.

Borderlands 2

Released: Sept. 18

Critic: neilsmif1980 (Metacritic)
"I was stuck I couldn't move forward or back just after I got past a really hard part at the beginning of the game. It froze on me! So I restarted it and I had to start nearly back to the beginning?"


"The game itself is just like Borderlands EXCEPT you have a mini map."

Score: 0.

Critic:Get bodied (Amazon)
"It becomes tolerable if you do it with some friends around, but so is dying of bowel cancer."

"It's been a while since I've seen in-game menus as bad as these. It's like PowerPoint threw up on a Cluedo board and died."


Score: 1 Star.

Critic: Sock_Factory (Metacritic)

"Borderlands 2 is a game where you shoot guns at stuff till it dies."

Score: 0.

Torchlight II

Released: Sept. 20

Critic: disinterested (Metacritic)
"TLDR: Diablo3"

Score: 1.

Critic: Token 40k (Metacritic)
"crappy light gamma."

Score: 0.

Backhanded Box Quotes will be an occasional feature of Kotaku's Anger Management hour, unless it isn't.

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....Wait, BL2 has a MINIMAP?

Also, does having completed BL1 at all help in one's enjoyment of BL2? I really want to play 2 but haven't made it very far in 1 yet (just a few hours).