All The Things You Could Buy For The Price Of Apple’s $3,500 VR Headset

It’s easier now to find a PS5, either online or in brick-and-mortar stores. I’m not sure if you’ll be able to find seven of them hanging around your local Best Buy, but if you did, you could snag them all for the price of Apple’s new “facial computer.”

Why would one person need eight Steam Decks? Well, let me pitch an idea. The Deck is great, but its battery life is kind of bad. So why not fully charge all eight of them and then install Vampire Survivors on each? Then, play until one starts to die and just hop over to the next—the Steam cloud will transfer your save— while the dying ones charge. You’d never have to wait to play Vampire Survivors again! And it’d only cost you $3,500.

Microsoft’s tiny little next-gen Xbox can fit practically anywhere, so you could use these convenient gaming consoles in any room or media center with ease. Or you could instead hide them around your yard like Easter eggs for the most amazing (and expensive) Easter egg hunt in history.

Apply the Stem Deck rotation plan, but replace Vampire Survivors with Tears of the Kingdom. And hey, at least one of the Switches shouldn’t start to drift right away, right? Right?

Open one, play it, and enjoy what is likely to be one of the biggest, best games of 2023. And then use the other 49 to try and recreate some of the fun things people are building in the game. Get some duct tape, some glue, and maybe some string. Really go for it. Have fun. And try hard to not build a penis.

I’m just kidding.

Meta’s VR headsets are much cheaper than Apple’s Vision Pro. The upcoming Quest 3 will start at $499 for the 128GB model, so go and pre-order seven of them and get a few friends together to play Star Trek Bridge Crew for a few hours.

You could buy all the skins and dances you want. It won’t help you win against deadly, over-caffeinated tweens and their amazing sniper skills. But it will help you remind them that you have disposable income and that’s the real “Victory Royale” in life.

You likely won’t be able to play Half-Life: Alyx, one of the best virtual reality games ever made, on Apple’s new device. But you can play it on the Index. And then you can buy two more and donate them to some Half-Life fans desperate to play the latest, VR-only installment. That would be very nice of you, so I assume you’ll get a lot of afterlife points for that move. (I don’t understand religion.)

Fuck video games. Or virtual reality. You could just buy this car or some other car that costs less than $3,500. Go cheap enough and you can probably even swing insurance for whatever rusty death trap you decide to purchase from some dude who assures you the brakes work.

We’ve all had a good laugh here, buying cheap cars and stacks of bad video games like Gollum. But if you really want to go on a shopping spree, you could. At current prices, without taxes, you could purchase all of the following for $3,500 USD.

PS5 Digital, Xbox Series X, Switch OLED, Steam Deck, one year of Game Pass Ultimate, 11-inch iPad Pro, iPhone 14, and a single $70 video game. Sure, you wouldn’t be able to watch Ted Lasso in space, but you would increase your power bill by a lot. Oh, and hopefully you’d be happy. That’s the point of all this, right, to be happy? I’m going to stop thinking about money now.