Final Fight: Double Impact Screens
Comment by: BryanH
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!

Everyone secretly wishes they were Mike Haggar. I know what you're thinking, 'Of course I would want to be Mike Haggar, that is obvious. But everyone?' Yes, truely. Lets look at the facts.

1. He was once a professional wrestler, and not that queer olympic stuff, the manly one with oiled guys and speedos. His in-ring persona was named 'Macho', which is appropriate, as it is the first thing one would think of when seeing him for the first time (the next is either intense jealousy, deep attraction, or a strange mixture of both).

2. Born on Sept. 3rd, 1943. That makes him 66 years old. Think about that the next time you decide to backtalk your grandpa. On that date, Italy officially surrendered to the Allied Powers in WWII. So he helped to win a war just by being born. All children born on this date henceforth were known as 'Haggar Babies' and are considered especially blessed.

3. Elected Mayor of Metro City, which is apparently the most lawless city on the face of the Earth. The streets are literally swarmed by an endless stream of gang members, with color-coded outfits seemingly denoting their rank and fighting prowess. The activity that constitutes fun is beating up a car with your bare fists. How did the few still-sane citizens come to the consensus that a former wrestler was the man to clean up their streets? And this isn't like Jesse Ventura; it's very obvious early on that a pair of pants and a leather strap around his monstrous torso are the only articles of clothing he owns. Running on a platform of piledrivers and suplexes usually isn't enough to ensure victory. But I think its because...

4. All problems are solved with a personal punch to the face region. As the Mayor, Haggar must have access to the police and any other government employees he would need. When the call came that his daughter was kidnapped by the Mad Gear gang, he had options. But only one involved him busting out of his office and taking to the streets, punching out the first person who happened to be coming his direction. I bet no other thought even came to his mind.

(As an aside, how awesome would that conversation between Haggar and Cody have been? "Cody, my daughter, your girlfriend, has been kidnapped. I'm going to murder my way to her captors, you in?" "Yeah, and I know just the Guy to join us." "Who?" "Guy." "Which guy?")

5. I know it doesn't need to be said, but look at that mustache.

6. Haggar has appeared in Namco x Capcom as a playable character, and in the Card Fighter series as a card. I've never played either of these games, but you can't tell me him being in the games made them worse.

7. In Final Fight: Streetwise, he was retired from politics and had a boat or something. This is bull and anyone who tells you this story is canon is doing a disgrace to a great man and you should beat them to within an inch of their life. So that means, as far as we know, he's still Mayor. And really, would you vote for anyone else? You might call threatening to swing a metal pipe across the skull of anyone who disagrees with his administration as 'needlessly violent' and 'unbecoming of the office of Mayor', but I call it results.

8. When the robots take over our planet and the human resistance movement fights our new cybertronic overlords, no doubt they will develop the technology to create synthetic human skin to try and infiltrate us from withing. Asking potential recruits if they know the glory of Mike Haggar will become vital. Only someone with a soul can truly feel him in their heart.

9. Stupid robots.

Mario? There's An App For That
Comment by: MrFujisawa
Nominated by: Athena's Paladin


Mario? There's a cap for that

Why Nintendo Doesn't Remake Zelda Games And How New Zelda Will Be Different
Comment by: nowayman
Nominated by: nworobes

Ocarina was the last game my mother ever got me for Christmas. She opened the door around 10 at night Christmas Eve and left the game on my desk. I remember opening it, and staying up way too late playing it through the Deku Tree dungeon. I hit the Water Temple by New Year's Eve, when snow was covering the ground and the world was blue and white. That was my mom's last year of good health, and the last time I really stayed in-doors during holiday break.

Later, I met a girl who decided to sing American Pie but with lyrics about Ocarina of Time, and so began the greatest tragicomedy of my young life, and it began over a four year old video game that we both held dear. That ended, which makes the game a bit more bittersweet than before. Ocarina conjures philosophy and smells and sights, like an old song or a particular meal.

I would probably buy a remake, but in the colder months I'll go back to the the jagged pixels and synthesized strings.


Scandal or No, EA Sports Stands by Its Man
Comment by: bigman88zz
Nominated by: D-K, Anarchist

i guess tiger entered "POWER DRIVE"

New Prince Of Persia Poster Is So Meh
Comment by: AncientUnknown1
Nominated by: Sutekh_Slain


That beard says he's a man, and those eyes say he's an animal. A man-beast animal.

But the game-license movie says bad career choice.

Is This Game Ripping Off Mario Galaxy?
Comment by: Jnas
Nominated by: Showmeyomoves!


China does what Ninten-did.

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