A Week In Comments

EA's Riccitiello Talks "Holographic" Madden Interface, No Need for Take-Two
Comment by: StagnatedLives
Nominated by: Karlot

Maybe I'm just a jaded old gamer, but I fail to see how EA will create a true holographic interface. Unless, of course, they develop a new type of 'television' that we haven't seen before. Seeing as how I don't see that happening anyti— ok never, I would like to take this opportunity to address EA.

Dear EA,
False promises only work for doctors and governments. The reason they work for these two groups is because by the time you are able to realize it is a lie, you are probably dead. Following this logic, I am pleading for you to NOT kill the customers.


More Ubisoft Games on Steam, 96 Percent of World's Population Still Can't Play Them
Comment by: Artful Dodger
Nominated by: Majorasblaze

Ubisoft Exec 1: Hey, great news: we finally got the clearance to release a bunch of classic games on Steam.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Oh awesome. That'll definitely bring in some nice revenue for Q3.

Ubisoft Exec 1: Yeah, they asked if we wanted to make the games available for purchase worldwide, but I told them to kiss off.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Well of course, you've gotta- wait, WHAT?

Ubisoft Exec 1: I told them to kiss off.

Ubisoft Exec 2: I know, but WHY?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Well, I was gonna tell them to kiss my ass, but that seemed a little rude.

Ubisoft Exec 2: No, no. Why did you tell them we didn't want to release the games worldwide? Wouldn't we make a lot more money that way?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Well... no.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Uh, how do you figure?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Because we live in the United States dummy. We use American money. If we let foreigners pay us, we're gonna get crazy foreign money.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Like what?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Like "pounds". That's what they use in England, "pounds". They don't even use money, they use weights.

Ubisoft Exec 2: That's no good.

Ubisoft Exec 1: Exactly. You know what they use in Russia? Rubles. I mean, what the fuck is a ruble?

Ubisoft Exec 2: Ruble... isn't that some sort of fruit?

Ubisoft Exec 1: I dunno, probably. I mean, what are we gonna do with a million rubles except snack on them? Sorry, but I didn't get into this industry to eat rubles all day.

Ubisoft Exec 2: Yeah, that sounds stupid. Good call. Hey, speaking of snacks, you wanna grab some lunch?

Ubisoft Exec 1: Ahh I can't, I have to get my tires rotated. I told the guy at the shop that my tires are rotating fine, but apparently they've got some high-tech procedure they gotta do.


Bayonetta Sells Itself In 36 Seconds
Comment by: Ex_EA_Slave
Nominated by: user.error

Meh, stiletto pistols. Now a pistol bra, that would be worth seeing. Or a canon diaphragm.

Perhaps The Stupidest Anti-GTA Vid You'll See Today
Comment by: stevesan
Nominated by: futurebiblehero


Conservative estimates put the civilian death toll of Iraq at around 100 thousand. That's about 100 thousand innocent people dead thanks to a war based on, at best, complete incompetence and national stupidity. And here we have Glen Beck talking about a fucking video game, as if once we get rid of video games, all our problems would be solved.

Our media loves to hang on to these insignificant issues because it helps to maintain an illusion of rigorous journalism. If they can say something controversial and "to the point" about insignificant news, then that excuses them from being controversial about real issues. Real issues, such as the civilian death toll of Iraq and the inevitable consequences.

Not to mention other real issues, such as poverty in the lower class. Real issues that, if fixed, would actually address the root cause of violence.

Food can cause death if you're already unhealthy. Should we get rid of food because of that?


Metal Gear Movie Update
Comment by: 108
Nominated by: kcorbo

Let's go ahead and say that, if Paul Thomas Anderson is directing and Hideo Kojima is involved as a producer, that pretty much means it's going to be a good movie. Don't even think of it as a "videogame" movie. Think of it as a "movie".

PTA is the man who made a thoughtful comedy-drama about the 1970s pornography industry somehow flow like an action flick; he spent three hours building up fourteen ad-lib-heavy plot lines in "Magnolia", only to destroy them all with a ridiculous injection of the supernatural (probably the only part of the movie that was set in stone from the beginning).

And above all this, PTA is a man who looked at Adam Sandler's comedic works, noticed their trend toward outbursts of freakish angry violence, and made it a personal quest to write a "Meta-Adam-Sandler Flick", which turned out to be "Punch Drunk Love", which was, whether you like it or not, pretty amazing from a technical standpoint. I mean, he turned "Billy Madison" and "Happy Gilmore" into art. That's impressive, in this bullshit Hollywood world.

So: I'm prettttttttttttty sure if PTA is confirmed as the director, it's not going to be a "Generic Super-Soldier Action Movie". I'm pretty sure that he, if no one else, would be able to understand that the heart of "Metal Gear Solid" isn't the soldiers and the "action", it's the . . . atmosphere.

I'd expect something like Shakespeare, with nuclear missiles and giant robots and soliloquies and deceptively simple character relationship dynamics.

The story of the first game could be compressed and made into a pretty spectacular two-and-a-half-hour movie.


The Difficulty of (Games') Difficulty
Comment by: Uzumaki_Kiba
Nominated by: Gree-clad Gamer Dude

I think I'm in the group of people who prefer really difficult games.

It's not because I'm an elitist asshole who considers himself "hardcore," and just wants bragging rights about how easy Ninja Gaiden was for him.

It's just that... When I think back, all of my favorite video game experiences have been moments wherein I triumphed over some great video game evil. When a villain kicked my ass so thoroughly and for such a prolonged period of time, that I actually began to see him as an evil fucking villain. When my motivation, although entirely different, was just as passionate as my character's.

When you just want more than anything for that fucker to die, and after hours of being slaughtered (slightly less severely each time), you finally manage to end his miserable life.. Ah, it's euphoric.

Now, I realize that this could also be accomplished more accessibly with a superb story or a high level of interactivity/non-linearity. But there's something about that video game feel that an incredibly immersive, non-linear, interactive story just can't match for me. I like to feel like I'm playing a game, sometimes. Life bars and continues and impossible boss fights. It gets me nostalgic. It makes me remember why our hobby is the best in the world.


Can't We All Just Get Along?
Comment by: Cchrist
Nominated by: DaiMacculate

Are you really that closed minded that instead of dealing with a bigot you stay away from a confrontation?

When someone gets beaten up in the street do help or do you look away and walk past as quickly as possible? Oh god do you stand there and watch?

This isn't a problem of anonimity its a worldwide problem! Racism and Discrimination is on the rise. In europe and russia extreem right wing fascist kids are being given a green light in the name of freedom of speech and democracy.

Well guess what? Calling someone a F***** or N***** is NOT part of free speech. It's rasicm ad discrimination and i don't know in what country you live in but in my country those are crimes. Too bad no one pays any attention to the law anymore.

Did you know that you can DO SOMETHING about bigots and racists? Report tem on xbl (no don't give them a bad report FILE A COMPLAINT. It's easy and just a few button presses away. Here you can send a little mail about someone to comments@kotaku.com and on a forum you can report someone to the admin or appointed moderator.

Don't just sit on your lazy ass and let this kind of shit happen! Get up! Do something about it for once! This world CAN be a better place but it wont just happen overnight whilst you do nothing about it!

Don't turn a blind eye to racism and discrimination! Seriously YOU can make a difference.

If you don't, and you really don't care anymore, we're doomed to keep ging through genocide after genocide like we saw in WWII, the bosnian war and what we now see in darfur.

Go ahead, ignore this comment. And ignore that bigot on xbl. It'll bite you in the ass eventually.


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Brian Ashcraft