I believe it was the poet Bell Biv DeVoe who said "Never trust a big butt and a smile." But one thing you can trust? Kotaku reviews. So let's review what video games, movies and hardware we reviewed this week.

Splinter Cell Conviction Review: The Best Lurks In Shadows
In which Stephen Totilo uses the words Clancyverse and Daddening when describing Sam Fisher's latest and late stealth adventure.

Alienware M11x Review: Ultraportable Gaming
In which Brian Crecente tests his pet gorilla's ability to play Modern Warfare 2 on the tiniest gaming laptop we've ever reviewed.


Final Fight: Double Impact Micro-Review: Take Two and Call It a Classic
In which Owen Good takes pause with this retro collection's ability to pause and never once mentions post operative transsexual Mad Gear gang member Poison. Hmph!

Star Wars Cantina Micro-review: Serve Greedo First
In which I serve blue milk to thirsty patrons and namedrop Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes like I'm some kind of Star Wars fan.


Kick-Ass Movie Review: Please Step Away From The Comic Book
In which Mike Fahey has one warning for anyone who gives a damn: do not read Kick-Ass (before seeing this film).


Espgaluda II iPhone Review: When Will My Phone Explode?
In which Stephen Totilo breaks his vegetarianism (metaphorically) for a descent into bullet hell. Don't miss his scathing single word assessment of this manic shooter's music.