We can hone our bodies and minds until they’re razor sharp—perfect tools of fistic destruction—but in the end we all fall to the same foe: mobile game microtransactions.
Just because you spend 8-10 grueling hours every day training to punch other dudes in the face for a living, that doesn’t mean you can’t also find time to be a video game addict. Cases in point: UFC middleweight champion Chris Weidman and UFC lightweight fan favorite Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone. On a recent episode of UFC’s “embedded” series, Weidman refused to stop playing FIFA even with a giant acupuncture needle sticking out of his head, and on the most recent episode he and Cerrone commiserated over absurdly popular money sink— er, mobile game Clash of Clans.
“How’s your clan coming along?” asked Cerrone as the two met up before this weekend’s UFC 187 event, where they’ll both be fighting (but not against each other).
“I’m actually... I gotta stop spending so much money,” Weidman replied.
“I spent a hundred dollars [while playing] at the pool yesterday,” Cerrone admitted.
“I taught myself I’m done spending money,” said Weidman, “but then there are these times where I’m like, ‘You know what? Who cares? I’m gonna make myself happy!’”
“I can go to the movies with my girlfriend and get some popcorn or I can spend $50 on this game. It makes me just as happy,” Cerrone joked.
So there you have it: UFC superstars—who, I might add, make hundreds of thousands of dollars per fight—hopelessly overspending on Clash of Clans, to the point where they’re worried about it. Whether rich, poor, or able let someone punch you in the face and then flash a cocksure grin and say, “Now look at your hand” and then they realize that you ate it, everyone has to deal with mobile game microtransactions. They’re the suffering that unites us all.
To contact the author of this post, write to nathan.grayson@kotaku.com or find him on Twitter @vahn16.