Well, almost everything. We had a good thing going, Talisman Prologue, and you had to go and completely screw things up. Great job. Don't know why I even bother anymore.

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They Need to Be Fed 2 is blue, sometimes. The newly-retooled The Night Jar? Blue. There're blue skies in Madmonster, even if they are the sort prone to say goodbye, and Deep Sea Deli lives near a pineapple under the sea, where everything floats and everything is blue.

Here's what you need to do, Talisman Prologue. Get yourself a blue house. Paint the windows blue. Only wear blue clothes. You know what? Fuck it. Paint the streets blue. The trees too. Who knows, you might even wind up with a girlfriend that's so blue.

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It's too late to run. You're getting sucked in.

There, now you've got it in your head too. Mission accomplished. Where were we?

What We Played This Week

MadMonster - iOS - $.99

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A smashing good time? MadMonster is a game about a monster. He's mad. He runs back and forth smashing things, which in turn propels him into the air. Hasn't stopped being entertaining yet.

Talisman Prologue - iOS, Android - $4.99

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Based on the classic fantasy boardgame, Prologue is a series of single-player board game adventures meant to get fans up to speed with the game world. A very good start.

Deep Sea Deli - iOS - Free

A match puzzle game with a nautical restaurant theme, from PlayFirst, the folks behind Diner Dash and other diabolical time sinks. Might eat your soul.

The Night Jar - iOS - $4.99

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There are dangerous and fascinating things going on in The Night Jar, but you won't see them. Trapped inside a mechanized suit without outside visuals, your only guide through this tale of suspense is the voice of Benedict Cumberbatch in your headset. If that's not worth $4.99, I don't know what is. Originally released in 2011, the game has been completely rebuilt using the new Pap interactive audio engine and API for unbelievable 3D sound. Headphones are required.

They Need to Be Fed 2 - Android, iOS - $1.99

The sequel to Bit Ate Bit's amazing gravity-based platforming puzzle game, I would pay $2.00 to listen to the music in They Need to Be Fed 2, let alone play it.

Gaming App Reviews for the Week of April 22 - 26, 2013

Jetpack Joyride Creators Make Another Damn Game I Can't Stop Playing

While I can understand the appeal of Jetpack Joyride, one of the best mobile games ever made, I could never figure out why Halfbrick Studio's other huge seller, Fruit Ninja, drove so many gamers crazy. Now, days after the release of the developer's latest game, I've finally figured out the secret: Halfbrick Studios is … Read…

Can Colonel O'Neill and Crew Survive Stargate SG-1 Unleashed?

Seeking to prolong the magic of the popular science fiction television series, Arkalis Interactive gets the original Stargate SG-1 gang together for one last big score. Having a cohesive cast of season actors voicing familar characters is great. Having a cohesive game would have been better. Read…

You Are Not Prepared For the Glory of Robot Unicorn Attack 2

There was a time when rainbows and unicorns were the stuff of legend, relegated to the highest of high fantasy and the cheapest of female-targeted school supplies. Those were despair-filled days — days when the mere semblance of a smile was slapped from the lips of man, woman and child alike. Would we ever feel hope… Read…

Pre-Armor Tony Stark Would Enjoy the Iron Man 3 Game's Glitz and Greed

Before a weapon produced by his own company left him no choice but to become a better man, Tony Stark was a textbook billionaire industrialist playboy, motivated by money and power, with a penchant for glamorous things. He was the sort of guy that would create Iron Man 3: The Official Video Game, in which players have …Read…

I Will Never Doubt the Power of Archery Again

Oh Hawkeye, where do I begin? For years I've ridiculed you for being the guy with the bow among gods. Now I've played a game where I shoot a bow with such power and precision the gods tremble in fear at the sound of my bowstring pulling back. If you ever learn to shoot like the Holy Archer, I promise I'll find… Read…