Zelda's Labyrinths Are Some Bullshit

Illustration for article titled iZeldas/i Labyrinths Are Some Bullshitem/em

Over the weekend I downloaded Breath of the Wild’s first batch of DLC. There were new quests, new gear and a whole new mode. Great. But I didn’t care. I wanted one thing and one thing only.

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Proof that Zelda’s labyrinths were bullshit.

Thankfully I got that proof.

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Breath of the Wild has an insanely detailed map. One of the best I’ve ever seen. Zoomed out, it’s a beautiful thing to just look at. Zoomed in, it’s full of incredible details.

To the point where I actually used the map to help me solve the game’s labyrinths. Which are bullshit. We’ve established this.

I did this by zooming in on the map to the point where you could actually see a top down version of the labyrinth. Like so...

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Very cool.

I knew this was possible so, as soon as the new DLC was announced, I was interested in the new feature that tracked every single step you ever made in the game. I needed this — mainly to help find the last 10 shrines, but also... other reasons.

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My main goal: find out just how much time I spent trying to complete the game’s Labyrinths.

The answer to that question was depressing.

Note: Yes, I know that you can cheese these by climbing and/or flying. No thanks, I wanted to try and solve these the old-fashioned way.

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Here’s my travel map of the first Labyrinth I tried. Before I’d worked out the cheap ‘zoom in to see the topography’ trick.

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Oh no.

The next one wasn’t much better. In fact, it looks even worse.

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Here’s my progress on the third one.

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Worth bearing in mind that I actually was consulting the map here. Shows you how bad I am at Labyrinths.

Or — counterpoint — how bullshit these goddamn labyrinths are.


This story originally appeared on Kotaku Australia

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I wonder who designed them...