You Know You Play Too Much EverQuest When These Jokes are Still Funny Ten Years Later

Illustration for article titled You Know You Play Too Much EverQuest When These Jokes are Still Funny Ten Years Later

These days you can tell you play too much of Sony Online Entertainment's massively multiplayer online role-playing game EverQuest by the simple fact that you play it at all. Ten years ago, when hundreds of thousands of people played the game on a regular basis, there were different standards of measurement.


Ten years ago we passed jokes around via text files that would inevitably show up on some obscure fan site. These were the more geek-savvy versions of those emails your aunt used to send you with the videos of monkeys scratching themselves and sniffing their fingers.

Riffing obviously on Jeff Foxworthy's signature "You might be a redneck..." shtick, "You know you play too much EverQuest when..." was comedy targeted at a very specific demographic. I got it. My friends thought it was hilarious. Everyone else? They just looked at me like many of you will be looking at your monitor in a minute.

Some of these ancient jokes actually turned out to be somewhat prophetic. For instance:

  • When you actually say "LoL" to a friend's joke instead of laughing at it.
  • After hearing a funny joke you say "ROFL"
  • When saying "BRB" actually becomes common at work.

Eerie, isn't it?

The rest of these you likely will not understand, or maybe you will? You might be an ex-EQ player.

You Know You Play Too Much EverQuest When...

  • You look at your dog and ask for a SoW.
  • You see the lightning bugs out in your front yard during the summer and think 'I wonder if it will drop a 'GLS'
  • You go to the zoo and wonder what the lions con to you.
  • When driving through rush-hour traffic, you wonder why you didn't bind at home so you could just gate back.
  • You glimpse road kill on the highway and wonder if anyone's looted it yet.
  • Well, I'd like to lend you that CD but it's no-drop...
  • Your wife/girlfriend's 'con' goes from warmly to scowls..
  • When you try to phonetically spell something and you say "Q as in Qeynos".
  • You see that your friend has a new outfit on, and ask for the stats, and if it can be worn by 'small races'.
  • You walk into a restaurant and yell "camp check" to get an open table...
  • You hear an elevator "ding", think you leveled, and wonder what new spells you got.
  • When you're driving along bored and keep looking over to the left side of the steering wheel trying to hit "forage".
  • When show your kid the 'frogloks' in the pond
  • When you think about joining the army, but decide against it because of massive downtime.
  • When you complain about low baking skill after a burnt dinner...
  • When you see you received a pay cut and shout "I'VE BEEN NERFED!!!"
  • You start to auction things in your office: "WTS a rusty knife, send tells please"
  • You roll over after sex and say, "Out Of Mana".
  • A female acquaintance shows you her new engagement ring and you say "Cool! What are the stats on that?!"
  • You refer to pennies as copper pieces.
  • Go to a casino and see the people playing slot machines. You think to yourself, "That's not fair! They can't camp 2 and 3 of those at a time!"
  • When you have the constant urge to gate, instead of drive home.
  • You're driving in your car and thinking: "Wow, this is one big zone!"
  • You know that you can start one load of laundry, vacuum the living room, and get a drink from the kitchen in the time it takes to go from OOM to FM.
  • You ask your co-workers if they want to group for lunch.
  • Preface all actions in your mind with /em
  • You tell your dog to '/guard here' instead of stay.
  • You consider selling your car so you can afford a DSL link, a new GeForce 2 and a new processor... Because you only drive twice a day...
  • When those loaves of summoned bread start looking really tasty.
  • You are hungry and thirsty, but your character has 40 muffins, and 40 water flasks.
  • You start saying things like, "hail a co-worker"
  • You compulsively hit the / key to see who is online (even though you're not even connected to the internet)
  • You care more about your main character's appearance than your own

And we'll end with my personal favorite, the all-powerful final answer.

When your entire family tells you "Turn the damn computer off and go outside"

You know you play EverQuest too much when.......... [Random Internet Find]



I'm reminded of the FFXI Joke that runs around where you know you played too much if you go to the store for orange juice, grab a bag of oranges, and ask an attendant where they keep the water crystals.

While that's the joke, One night i spent 8 hours leveling up my cooking craft, went upstairs at 3 in the morning, grabbed 4 oranges, and spent ten minutes looking for crystals.