Pretty much every race on World of Warcraft's colorful roster has received a modern makeover at this point. Every race, that is, except blood elves. Soon that will change. But I'm gonna level with you here: the new dude blood elves literally don't have butts. What's up with that?
I mean, look at that. Nothing. Nada. There is no junk in that trunk. That would require having a trunk to put junk in. Here's the new lady blood elf, for comparison:
That image is clearly meant to draw your eye to something.
In fairness, both dude and lady blood elves look pretty great overall. More details, better faces, glowier eyes, added musculature—the works. Dudes, however, remain sadly butt-less—as they have been for years.
That's unfortunate! Butts are cool, and they're something we end up staring at for hundreds of hours while playing games like WoW. May I just say, though, dude butts matter too. Shockingly enough, many people even like looking at them! It doesn't just have to be lady butts, Blizzard. Everyone has them! Trust me: I asked.
Case in point on the dude side: Solid Snake. We at Kotaku have spent many long hours discussing the supreme excellence of Snake's chiseled posterior. Kirk said even old man Snake has a "rockin" butt, and he did not lie. Kirk never lies. But he's a rarity in the world of games. A beautiful butt-shaped snowflake.
Here's what Blizzard had to say about their thought process for the lady blood elf:
"The Horde has classically been about brutes, blood, and thunder. The Blood Elves bring a bit of subtlety to the Horde, and I think that was one of the most important aspects of the Blood Elves to maintain. For the female specifically, something we did often was move things around in small but deliberate increments, to make sure everything was just right. It's the delicate details like her nose shape or fingertips that represent the most challenging parts of upgrading the female."
And here's the male:
"The male Blood Elf already has a lot of character with his easily recognizable pose and stylish hair. Our update just gives us a chance to define and focus on that. His anatomy, facial features, and hair will all get an update while still maintaining his iconic look, bringing him to the level of the other new character models."
They did not, however, discuss the massive butt detail discrepancy. Why not, Blizzard? The public demands to know. This is one of the greatest issues of our time.
As you might expect, WoW players have Opinions about some of these changes. Fahey dove into the game and plucked some out of thin air, by which I mean general chat. Seems like people are pretty positive, overall. Everyone is sexier now! Lady blood elves are more muscle than skin and bones (something which Blizzard has opted to show off with a blast of the ol' skimpification ray, for better or worse). Dude blood elves may not have butts, but they have nipples instead of oblong pillows for chests. That is something.
Here's a shot of the reaction on Fahey's main server, Moon Guard:
And here are are role-players reacting a bit more... bluntly:
"I'm glad we have fingers now! And nipples!"
Blizzard doesn't have an exact ETA for the update yet, but they want to get it out "as quickly as possible."
What do you think of WoW's new blood elves? Are they everything you hoped for? Or do you worry that you might soon slip into your blood elf skin and not feel quite like yourself?