I played Shadow of the Tomb Raider for six hours. I condensed my experience into this 30-minute video.

In my time with the game, I raided three tombs. I shot two jaguars in the face three times each. Ancient machines of wood and stone crushed me to screaming death countless times. I counted how many times an NPC hugs Lara (once). I excerpted every instance of someone pronouncing Lara’s name. I failed to kick a soccer ball. I got stressed out a lot looking at Lara’s feet as she swam while wearing hiking boots.

Warning: this video contains many gruesome hamburgery corpses and multiple shocking moments of loud violence. It also contains minor spoilers.

On the one hand, I have excluded all meaningful dialogue and plot points. On the other hand, I have doubled and sometimes tripled many of the most horrific moments of violence so that I can play them back multiple times in succession, with the last repetition being in slow motion, because that is why I learned Adobe Premiere in the first place.

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There’s even a playlist of all my other videos. Wow!